Adventure Time with Fionna and Cake (VOLUME 1)
by Kellen-Amandil
Summary: This is the tales of a genuine girl and her magic cat, the heroines as the realm of Aaa. Gender-swapped version of Season 1.
1. Slumberparty Panic

Once upon a time, as the sun was slowly setting in the Candy Kingdom, Cake the beige and white Cat was playfully running away from Lord Monochromicorn, her unicorn boyfriend.  
"Yeah, you think you're pretty way up there but you can't get me!," she said while getting smaller to disappear from Lord's sight.  
Lord Monochromicorn stomped and scratched to tell her he would come and get her.

Meanwhile, Fionna the Human, a twelve-years-old blond adventurer and Prince Gumball, a humanoid made of bubblegum and the ruler of this realm, were in in the Kingdom's graveyard, around a table full of different chemicals.  
"Alright," the prince said bringing a flask with fluorescent green liquid to the potion, "let me just add three more drops of explosive diarrhea…"  
He added each drop slowly and a giant cloud shaped like a skull puffed out of the potion. Fionna and Prince Gumball both let out a surprised sound.  
"Hey Prince Gumball, when we bring the dead back to life, will it be filled with worms?" the blond girl asked with wonder in her eyes.  
"No," the Prince replied as he put the serum in a syringe, "if my decorpsinator serum works, all the dead Candy People will look as young and healthy as you do."  
The human smiled wildy, showing off her muscular arms.  
"Pick up that platter, strong girl," he asked nicely.  
Fionna picked up a serving platter and opened the silver lid, revealing a Candy Person corpse.

"Old Mrs. Cream Puff?," she asked, surprised.  
"We used to date," the prince giggled before applying the serum into the dead body.  
Fionna put the platter on the table watching Mrs. Cream Puff's corpse starting to glow.  
"Something's happening!" she yelled, then crossing her fingers, "Come on, come on…"  
"Work," the Prince asked of it as the dead Candy Person arose and moaned.  
"Algebraic," Fionna shouted with entousiasm.  
Looking at his former subject, Prince Gumball frowned.  
"Wait, something's wrong," he said.  
"Sugar!" the zombie Candy Person looked for as serum squirted out his eyes and mouth.

The two living ones emitted a sound of disgust before the zombie leaped into the giant test tube they would have used to bring back the whole graveyard to live. The tube, filled with the same fluorescent green liquid as before, shook and finally fell on the graves, infecting the whole cemetery. One by one, arm by head, every Candy Person resting arose from their tomb.  
"Hey, look," Fionna noticed, "the decorpsinator serum is working!"  
"No, this is wrong. They're not coming back to life," the prince sadly explained as he kneed to see one of his former subjects, a candy shaped like a heart arising and rubbed their head, "they're still dead! The decorpsinator… It's incomplete!"  
"Rah! Must eat sugar!" the zombie groaned as they tried to catch Prince Gumball's arm to eat it.  
Fionna pushed them back to their grave.  
"You're grounded, Mister."  
"Oh, this is so very bad," the pink-haired man said thoughtfully, "they're going to be attracted to the Candy Kingdom."  
"Why?" Fionna asked, cluelessly.  
"Because the Candy People are made of sugar, you ding-dong!" he explained before the Zombie Mrs. Cream Puff climbed on him.  
"Gimme some sugar, handsome," she begged.  
Fionna pushed the zombie apart from the prince before kicking her.  
"Chew on this!"  
"Good one, Finn'," the prince giggled before starting to run, "quickly, to the kingdom!"  
Fionna followed Prince Gumball, kicking zombies on her way, asking of them to "get a life".

Both ran to the Candy Kingdom Castle and the prince rushed through the halls and the stairs to reached the main bell.  
"All citizens of the Candy Kingdom!" he yelled as he rang the bell, "report to the palace, immediately!"  
Every Candy Person turned to the Castle in confusion but still did as their prince asked and walked obediently to the palace. Cake was surprised too to hear the bell but rushed with her boyfriend to the Castle anyway.  
"Hurry, sweet citizens," he asked of them, worried, his purple eyes shinning as he looked his kingdom walking to safety.  
"Alright, you heard the prince, everyone in" Fionna told them as she met them all by the entrance, "alright, no pushing, come on!"  
"Girl, what's up?" Cake asked her as she and Lord Monochromicorn reached the palace's doors.  
"The prince will explain everything," the human said looking if any other Candy Person was coming after the yellow little elephant with a mustache, "Field Trunks, get those fresh carrots in here, man."  
"Oh, I hope it's not bad news," he complained, carrying a basket full of carrots with his trunk.  
"Did we get everyone?" Fionna asked Prince Gumball who came to help her close the doors.  
"All present and accounted for," the striped Piñata Candy Person hanging by the ceiling replied.  
"Thanks, Girlfried" said Fionna.  
"You're welcome," she said in a singing tone.

"Citizens," the prince called to get their attention, "we are assembled here in the candy foyer for a momentous announcement. Tonight we are all going to have... a slumber party!"  
"What?!" Fionna yelled as the crowd was cheering, "Wait! What about the zom-?!"  
"Go ahead and start partying," Prince Gumball advised them as he cut Fionna by covering her mouth.  
"But, Prince," she stated with her muffled voice, "the Undead-"  
"We'll be right back, everyone," he said as he dragged the human to a room somewhat more private, in front of a worried Cake.  
"Fionna," the prince whispered, "the Candy People can't know about the zombies."  
"Wha?!" the blonde girl shouted.  
"If they knew, they would flip out," he explained, rolling his eyes.  
"What do you mean "flip out"?" she asked, worried now.  
"I mean they would flip out," the pink-haired man said in a very serious tone.

Meanwhile, in the cemetery, a caramel malt wearing make-up and a cap, answering by the name of Starla arrived with a shovel, unaware of the past events.  
"Prince?" she asked, "it's me, Starla the Undertaker. I brought you a larger corpse shovel. Oh, Prince? Well, I'll just wait for you here, then. By the mausoleum. With my back turned. And my defenses lowered."  
As Starla waited for the prince, a Candy Zombie opened the door of the mausoleum and went up to her. The caramel malt could scream, the caramel malt could gasp, but her fate was doomed. Scared out of her mind, she exploded with a loud bang.

"Candy People explode when they get scared?!," Fionna wondered, quite afraid herself now that she knew such things.  
"Not telling the Candy People about the zombies is so important that you need to promise, Royal Promise, not to let anyone find out about the zombies, ever," the Prince explained in his serious tone and wide open eyes.  
"Okay, sure," she said carelessly.  
"No, Fionna," he stopped her, "You have to Royal Promise."  
Yes," she swore as she knelt, still quite mindlessly, "I Royal Promise."  
"Now I must cloister myself in the lab and finish the equation to my decorpsinator serum. You keep the candy folk distracted and ignorant. Can you do that?" he asked of her.  
"Yes, your highness," she promised.  
"Good. Don't tell anyone about the zombies," he warned her as he left by a door situated behind him, "Never ever."  
"No, wait," she said as she thought back, "Can I at least tell Cake?"

"Tell me about what, honey?" Cake asked as she entered the room.  
"You know, about the outbreak of zom-" she started before stopping herself from committing a huge mistake.  
" Alright," she chuckles "what's going on?"  
"Uhh, nothing at all, girl!" she laughed awkwardly before skipping into the foyer.  
"Hey, honey," she said as she touched her shoulder friendly, "I think you and Gumball are up to something."  
"Ahha ah, what? No, no way," she replied nervously as she freed herself from the cat's touch.  
"Whoa, you guys are up to something. Is it some sort of secret romance? Come on, tell me what you've done in there!"  
"Who wants to play "Truth or Dare"?" she asked the party-goers to skip Cake's questions.

"Ok, Chocobanana," Fionna explained as she stepped into the circle, "you may ask someone to tell a deep truth or a saucy dare."  
"Mrs. Cupcake," the dipped banana asked the muscular cupcake girl, "truth or dare?"  
"Dare," she said proudly.  
"I dare you to take off your wrapper," she commanded her, followed by the others.  
"Hey seriously, girl," Cake said as she shouldered Fionna, "I'm your sista. Sistas are supposed to tell sistas everything all the time. What are you and Gumball up to? Is everything alright?"  
"Yep! Fine! Everything is great! Heh, heh," she lied badly, "except for that. Whoa."  
Their attention was now turned to the now naked cupcake, revealing her caramelized body.  
"I didn't know she was caramel," Butterscotch Butler stated with her familiar Scottish accent.  
"Cake," called, "truth or dare?"  
"Truth."  
"Do you prefer chocolate or fudge?"  
"I can't eat chocolate or fudge 'cause I'm a cat and they'd probably kill me," she explained thoughtfully, "but hmmmmm probably... both. Fionna! Truth or dare?"  
"Dare! Haha!" she exclaimed to avoid Cake's questions.

"I dare you…" she said slowly to find a way to get her answers anyway, "to tell me the truth about what's going on in your mind. What were you and Gumball talking about when you were alone together?"  
"Umm, ahh, the truth is, ahhh…" she started nervously as every eyes were looking at her to hear what the human and the prince were doing alone together.  
 _You promised you wouldn't flippin' tell anyone!_ She remembered before adding some of her imagination to the memory: _Oh, you're so cute, Fionna.  
_ "Ahhh... the truth is…" she found a way out by taking a sock, "that I'd rather play Dodge Socks!"  
She throws the sock at Cake, making Gumball's voice disappear from her mind.  
"I'm not playing dodge socks 'til you stop dodging my questions," she said annoyed before sniffing the socks, "Hey... Old Mrs. Cream Puff? Isn't she dead?"  
"Hey, give me my sock back!" she shouted, almost caught, "Dodge Socks was a bad idea!"  
"Whoa," she groaned, both angry and worried, "look honey, just tell me what's up, 'cause you are crazier than a cannonball tonight."  
 _Oh, my globness!_ she thought as she was seeing a horde of zombies coming to the palace from the window, _Prince hasn't finished the equation and the zombies are here!  
_ "I, uh," she said in a hesitant way, "he just want this slumber party to be super fun, and if I did have something to tell you, then I would in a second, and it would make my life easier, unless there was something stopping me, like a promise, but there isn't, so I won't, so it's cool."  
"Sugar!," she heard the zombies begged as she shut the shutters.  
"What? You lost me," Cake stated lost indeed.  
"Umm... Hey, you know what time it is?" the human asked to change subjects.  
"Adventure time?"

"No, time for Seven Minutes in Heaven! You're first," she said as she pushed her towards the private room.  
"Really?" Cake wondered.  
"Lord Monochromicorn!" she called, "in the closet with Cake!"  
"M-E? O-K-A-Y, I-L-L P-L-A-Y" he stomped and scratched.  
"Okay, okay, alright," she agreed as she was dragged to the closet and the door was closed "but in seven minutes, I'm gonna come out and make you spill your beans, Fionna."  
"I can't hear you all the way in heaven!" she yelled as the opened the window to see the zombies coming and starting to bang at the door.  
"Umm, does anyone else hear that?" a pink bon-bon who was sitting near the doors asked.  
"What? Hear what? I, I don't hear anything," she reassured her as the Candy People seemed also worried by the noises.  
"I hear something I don't understand... and it makes me scared!" the girl said as she shook, lifting her tiny leg from the stairs her feet were resting on.  
Meanwhile a snail was waving, unnoticed.  
"What? No, Chelsea. Everybody, wait. What noise? You mean this noise?" she asked as she turned the radio and the party lights on, leading to the Candy People laughing, dancing and, more important, relaxing.  
"Yeah! Dance it! Bust it up! Uh! Uh! Uh! Oh!" she advised them, dancing herself.  
Unfortunately, the zombies found quickly their way to the other main doors, that were not even unlocked. Scared, Fionna rushed to them, grabbing a table on the way.

"What is this game you are playing at now, Fionna?" Chocobanana asked happily.  
"Uhh, it's... Blockado," she tried as she barricaded the door with the table and a hammer, "haha, the game of barricades. Come on, let's block all the entrances and windows!"  
The Candy People all bought it and started to play the game, barricading all doors and windows with any furniture they could find.  
"Alright, this is not a permanent solution," she said to herself, "think Fionna, how can you keep everyone from finding out?"  
"Find out about what, Fionna?" a hanging candy asked casually.  
"Girlfried, the talking piñata! Your convient appearance gives me a great idea. Everyone, grab a stick! New game! We're gonna smash some piñatas!"  
"What?" the piñata asked, afraid.  
"Except for you, Girlfried," she added  
"Oh, thank globness."  
Now everybody take these blindfolds," she explained as she ripped ribbons from a Candy People entirely made of it, "thanks, Taffy Boy."

Once everyone was blindfolded, Fionna ran to the doors, avoiding to get smash by a wooden stick on the way.  
"Alright, everybody, get together. I'm hanging the piñatas…" she said as the zombies burst through the barricades , "they're all around you. Smash the piñatas!"  
Here came the fight, Fionna and all the Candy People started to destroy one by one the zombies, leaving a disgusting mess of rotten candy behind them.  
"Yeah! You guys are on fire!," she congratulated them all.  
One by one, every zombie Candy was leaking sugar. Sugar that all the living started to eat.  
"Oh, it is so tasty," Chocobanana exclaimed.  
"Yes! We did it! My improbable plan worked!," she stated as all the zombies seemed to be dead.

"Whew!," Cake sighed as she came out of the closet with Lord Monochromicorn.  
"H-E-L-L-O" the Lord stated.  
"Seven minutes up yet?" she asked grabbing a jelly filled doughnut before seeing the mess and running to Fionna "Whoa! What the nuts happened here?!"  
"Oh, we killed all the zombies that Prince Gumball and I raised from the dead," she confessed.  
"Really!?" she wondered in surprise before freezing as did the rest of the world.  
"Cake? What's going on?" she worried as she walked around.  
"What? Huh? Oh, Fionna!" Prince Gumball called, not affected by the curse, "did you break your Royal Promise?"  
"Yeah, but, I mean, all the zombies are dead. The Candy People won't freak out. What's the big deal?" she asked clueless.  
"This is so, so very bad, Fionna. You can't break Royal Promises. Never, ever, never. No matter what, forever," he explained, very serious.  
The room was suddenly shaking.

"The Guardians of the Royal Promise are coming for us," he whispered horrified.  
A purple elastic hand burst from the ceiling, taking the prince and the human outside.  
"Fionna the Human," a first guardian called, looking at them through their mint green eyes, "you have broken a Royal Promise for which the penalty is trial by fire."  
A second guardian came to burst fire through its mouth.  
"That's stupid," she stated.  
"Wait! She's my friend! Isn't there another option?!" the prince asked.  
"Yes. Because you care for the promise-breaker, we will give her a less hot trial. You must now answer…" the first guardian started.  
"...Math questions!" the second finished.  
"Mathematical!" Fionna exclaimed.  
"Fionna," Gumball disagreed, "you're terrible at math."  
"Awww…"  
"Now, solve this!" the first Candy with a gum machine as a head said as the other one showed, through his eyes, the toughest question of all time.  
"Uhh..." Fionna hesitated, sure to have meet her final fate.

"Oh, wait, wait," the second guardian said, "I thought of a better one."  
The equation disappeared and was changed to:  
"Yes! Two plus two. Solve it or die."  
"Uhh. Four, right?" she answers not without some hesitation before Prince Gumball bored expression and the laughs of the Guardians.  
"Oh, correct," they both realized before exploding.

Afterwards, night became day. The second guardian came back to life before turning his back to blow bubbles.  
"What's happening, Prince?" Fionna wondered, still on the first guardian's hand.  
"You've defeated the broken royal promise! The Gumball Guardians are resetting!"  
After his explanations, the first guardian dropped them. Fortunately, they were teleported safely back to the Prince's lab.  
"Slamacow! That was tops! Who's not good at math? I was all "Four!" she laughed proudly.  
"Four, four... Four, four, four…" he repeated thoughtfully "that's it! The answer was so simple, I was too smart to see it!"  
"You're welcome!"  
" '4' is the last figure I need to perfect my decorpsinator serum," he stated as he finished the equation on the blackboard.

Once the serum done, the Prince Gumball and Fionna the Human cured every zombie of his Kingdom.  
"This is messed up, but sweet," Cake admitted.  
"I-T I-S," Lord Monochromicorn added.  
Every Candy People could see their dead relatives coming back to life. Everyone was smiling and hugging each other.  
"Starla!" Cake exclaimed.  
"Mornin'."

"Girl, you broke a Royal Promise? You're nuts. All you had to do is say that it was a royal secret. I know what's up," Cake explained to Fionna before walking away.  
"I hope you grasp the full consequences of breaking promises," Prince Gumball wondered as he met Fionna's gaze.  
"Heck yeah! If I break a Royal Promise, I get to fight zombies, throw slumber parties, awake Gumball Guardians and... and…" she listed, "And reverse death itself!"  
"Oh, you are adorable. But keep your promises, okay?" he asked of her.  
"I will, Prince," she swore.

Suddenly, Fionna felt something bitting her leg. It was Starla.  
"Starla, you're not a zombie."  
"I can't help it. Flesh is delicious!"  
"You're delicious!" she teased her and squeezed her.  
"Don't squeeze me! I'll burp!"  
And indeed, Starla the Undertaker emitted one of the loudest burp of her new life.

THE END


	2. Trouble un Lumpy Space

Once upon a time, in the Candy Kingdom, some Princes where training during a Mallow Fencing Tournament. This small event, held by Prince Gumball, reunited Fionna the Human, Cake the Cat, the handsome Lumpy Space Prince and the little Hot Dog Prince. Everyone except for LSP were happily bouncing while fighting with wooden dull swords. The two non-royal people found it quite difficult to fight while bouncing in every corner.  
"Prince, this fencing tournament sucks in a big way!" Fionna complained, losing her sword for o so many times already, "but thanks for the invite!"  
"Oh, don't worry, Fionna," he reassured her, "the Mallow Fencing Tournament takes years to master."  
"Prince!" she called as she found a way to stay steady, "I think I just now mastered it! One more bounce. Alright!"  
She made a wrong step, falling bounce after bounce to the ground, quickly followed by Cake.

"Unh! Fencing tournament's hard, huh, Cake?  
"Oof! Yes!"  
"What am I hearing?! You must be mistaken! It is not burdensome!" the surprised purple prince said.  
"Lumpy Space Prince, you big faker! You're floating, not bouncing!"  
"Fine. I shall demonstrate it," he said humbly before quitting his floating, showing Fionna she was indeed right as he started to bounce all over the place, "Huh? Oh, no!"  
And he felt, head first, landing his smooth but cutting teeth into Cake's leg.

"Oh. My apologies," he excused himself with a muffled voice, "I wounded your shank."  
"You're still biting me!" Cake shouted in pain.  
"Oh, my glob," he realized as he took his head away from her leg, "oh, right. My apologies."  
"Man! Your leg!" Fionna yelled, seeing her limb becoming all lumpy.  
"This is... new," Cake agreed, not that worried, "it's nothin' ominous, though. Just a bump."  
"No, 'tis no bump. 'Tis the early stage of the lumps," he explained with a sorry expression.  
"Is it serious?" Fionna wondered.  
"It simply portend that she is shifting into a Lumpy Space person, on account of my bite. It can be compared to… werewolf rules, in a way," he explained before imitating a werewolf.  
"Oh, no!" Fionna snapped.  
" What? You think I'm gonna turn all lumpy like him? Get outta here," she reassured her before seeing her arm turning lumpy "wha? Fionna, I think I'm flippin' out!"  
"Calm down, sis!" she tried before hesitating "I'll... I'll sock the lumpiness outta ya!"

"Hey, now!" Prince Gumball interfeed, throwing his fencing sword on the ground, the tip buried into the grass before bouncing down, "royal intervention! Surely there must be an antidote to the lumps."  
"Indeed," LSP informed them, "there is an antidote, but you have to vamoose to Lumpy Space in order to obtain it. And Cake has to utilize it by sunset."  
"What happens if he doesn't take the antidote by sunset?" he asked, worried.  
"Her lumpiness shall be her doom for eternity"  
"LSP, please! Can you tell us how to reach Lumpy Space?" Fionna hurried him.  
"Yes, a portal is accessible nearby. I may unveil its location anytime."  
"Take us now! Take us now!" Fionna and Cake asked as they pushed Lumpy Space Prince to the woods.  
"I should not have play that much!" Prince Gumball confessed to himself, seeing dark spots blocking part of his vision and feeling weak.

Lumpy Space Prince led the two girls to some part of the woods, where they met a mushroom next to a frog.  
"You must hush about this entryway. 'Tis now our secret"  
"Where is it?" Fionna asked, looking around.  
"The caecilian and the toadstool are the gate," the Prince explained.  
"Password, please," the frog asked with a ribbit.  
"Idontcare," he whispered.  
"Good day, Prince," it welcomed him before scanning the two visitors, "Is your aunt okay with you entering Lumpy Space with two... non-Lumpers?'  
"Just say yes!" Fionna mumbled to the prince, "Yes, yes, yes!"  
"Indeed, indeed."  
The frog then extended its tongue catching them one by one before transporting them to a dark place filled with hard clouds.

"AAAAH! Whoa... Lumpy Space." Fionna let out, amazed, "So, where's the antidote?"  
"Stand by. Firstly, you ought to check out my humble place. 'Tis not the more pleasing although, 'tis surpassing yours."  
"Uh, could you skip to the part where you tell us where the antidote is?" Cake hurried him.  
"'Tis up Courting Point" LSP pointed out a reddish cloud.  
"That's so close!" Fionna realized, seeing the building was a few miles away, "we can run there in no… time. Aww, what?! It's, like, a million-mile fall into space!"  
While she got closer, she noticed they would be unable to reach this cloud by foot, as they were separated from Courting Point by an abyss.  
"As you see, you shall need a vehicle to wander through my realm, otherwise you shall plummet into the Lumpy Abyss."

"Nephew!" an ugly disturbing lumpy woman called, "have you brought smooth people into our domain?!"  
"I ought to, Aunt…" he explained, quite afraid of the woman, "I'm endeavoring to assist them, therefore I beg of you not to be resentful!"  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?! What did you just say?!" a voice coming from behind the Lumpy Space Prince's Aunt snapped.  
"I… expressed my will to aid my companions, "he explained, weakly.  
"Uh…" Fionna hesitated.  
"Yes?" the prince asked, not willing to face his rabid relatives, on which carelessly was ineffective.  
"Vroom vroom?"  
"Right," he realized, "Uncle, Aunt, I desire to scrounge our vehicle."  
"You have made your aunt angry for the last time, nephew! You are hereby banned from using the royal car!" he forbid him, trying in vain to calm his wife while walking home.

"Flip! I lumping despise them! I am o so sorry, Fionna. However I am unable to assist you as my relatives are horrendous beings."  
"Don't you know anyone else with a car?" she asked with hope.  
"My comrade Michael owns a vehicle," he admitted with a hint of bad news in his voice, "but he is courting my former partner Brenda."  
"Call him NOW," she commanded, frustrated.  
"Hmm," he hesitated before reaching for his phone and talking to it, "Call Michael."

Elsewhere into the realm, Michael who was adjusting his fluffy pompadour haircut, heard his phone ring and picked it up.  
"Hello?" he answered.  
"Hello Micheal, how are you doing today?" the prince asked casually.  
"What's he saying?" Fionna hurried them.  
"I am requesting, for the love of Glob!" he whispered to them before coming back to his friend, "Michael, harken me!"  
"Have you obliterate what day it is?" he asked seriously.  
"Michael. I am endeavoring to assist some companions."  
"Tonight is the weekly Courting Ball!"  
"Oh, Glob. it skipped my mind," the Prince realized.  
"What'd he say?" Fionna asked again.  
"Tonight is the weekly Courting Ball!" he replied to his friend, quite excited, "'tis ought to be o so delightful"  
"LSP," she called, exasperated, "we don't have time for this. Ask for the ride, LSP."  
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-" he cannot stop to overreact to his realization, even noticing a long time after it was taken that his phone is now in Fionna's hands.  
"Michael," Fionna called, imitating the best she could the prince's voice, "you ought to vehiculate us to Courting Point to court luscious ladies!"  
"My prince, you are o so mischievous…" Michael bought it, "I shall come in a moment."  
"Farewell," she said as she hung up.  
"Sorry," she apologized seeing the madness into the gorgeous prince's eyes, "but Cake's lumpiness is worsening!"  
"Actually, I think I'm beating it back with sheer willpower!" she assured her before feeling part of her head lumping up, quickly putting it back in place.  
"Indeed," he said with hope in his voice, "however, do not scrounge my mobile no more."

The band only waited a couple seconds before seeing an old but beautiful car driven by a lumpy blue guy. He exited the vehicle before kissing Fionna's hand.  
"Ugh…" she emits as he introduced himself, "OKAY! Let's go, let's go, let's go!"  
The three of them jumped into the car, which made its way through the Lumpy Space Kingdom in no time. During the entire trip, the music played was some kind of opera sang in an unknown language.  
"Aw, Fionna, this music ducks, right?" Cake complained before turning more lumpy, "Ah. I am found of this melody. We ought to have a tea party at Shana's residence."  
She then came back to herself.  
"Gracious! That was terrible! Fionna, if you can't save me from the lumps… if I do turn… if I become lumpy like them, I want you to-"  
"It's not gonna come to that," she reassured her as she embraced her, "but if it does, I'll bury you beneath the nicest, most shadiest tree!"  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" she stopped her "I'm saying that if I go totally lumpy, then I want you to get used to lumpy Cake. What did you think I was sayin'?"  
"Oh, um... Heh heh," she laughed awkwardly before turning angrily to the blue Lumpy Person, "CAN'T THIS CAR GO ANY FASTER?!"

"We are already hither," Michael stated, turning towards her and winking at the blond human, "hello, Fionna."  
"We have been hither for what seemed like moments," Lumpy Space Prince added.  
"Finally! Huh?" Fionna exclaimed, seeing nothing but a house, "this doesn't look like Courting Point."  
"'Tis Brenda's residence. You were willing to cruise to Courting Point? You think I want to court you?" Mickael asked with a flirting look, "with second thoughts, perchance I do, however… No! I am already courting, Fionna!"  
"LSP, we gotta hurry!" Fionna told the prince while the other Lumper was heading towards his girlfriend's house, "Cake's running out of time!"  
"Hear me when I say 'tis harsh for me too. We used to drink immoderate wine with Brenda… Thus there shall be quite a amorous stiffness among us."  
"Hello," a tall pink Lumper greeted them.  
"Oh, Brenda…" his boyfriend giggled as he kissed her hand.  
"Are you pining from me thus far, your highness?" she asked the prince with an arrogant look on her face  
"Slither, Fionna," he asked sadly, "I ought to hunker abaft."

The five of them resumed their trip to their destination, parking next to the beginning of the reddish part of the cloud.  
"Let's go!" Fionna yelled, exiting the car along with Cake in one big jump.  
"Wait. Watch yourself, Fionna," the prince warned them, "the folk who utilize the antidote up here are notorious for being… smooth hypocrites."  
"What does that mean?"  
"It simply imply what it portend. Haste yourself. Get the antidote thus we may bid farewell."  
"Thanks, LSP," she said sincerely.  
"Valediction," he wished them.  
"Um... valediction," Cake replied uneasy.  
"Uh, yeah, valediction," Fionna replied carelessly before seeing the cat's skin bulged and hurrying up.

They quickly made their way to the other part of the cloud, where two lumpers and a rather smooth person were hanging. The one in the center was sitting on a strange orb.  
"Hey, girls," she greeted them, "Lookin' smooth!"  
"Genuinely? You judge us velvety?," the one with glasses asked.  
"Well, mostly you in the center," she replied pointing out the only smooth person of them all, "but yeah!"  
"Why are you deceitful?"  
"My best friend needs an antidote for lumpiness," she explained.  
"Indeed, lumpiness is a burden," the last one stated before talking to the one in the center, "well, Monica, your time has come to an end!"  
She then pushed Monica from the orb before sitting herself and turning smooth as her friend became lumpy.  
"So the antidote is in that orb you are sitting on!" Fionna realized.  
"'Tis the antidote, peasant," the new smooth one explain.  
"Can my friend borrow it?" she asked  
"Indeed, as long as you yield it back in an instant," she asked back before tossing the orb and becoming lumpy again.  
"Hammacow. Thanks, fellas."

"What is it that is holding you?" the prince asked as he came along "did those swindlers hand you the orb?"  
"Wait!" she yelled as one of the three now Lumpers took the orb back.  
"'Tis another comrade of yours?" they asked, angrily.  
"'Tis not a bother to you. Hand them the antidote forthwith and quit being hypocrites."  
"My apologizes, young one," the first lumpy one said, exiting with her friends, the orb in her hands, "our minds were changed."  
"Why did you have to say all those rude things to them?!" Fionna snapped at him.  
"What? I was assisting you."  
"Thanks a lot!" she said sarcastically, "They were right about to hand over the antidote!"  
"You are tremendously welcome," he replied bitterly.  
"You insulted them!" She accused, "and they got mad! And now Cake's gonna be lumpy forever! This is all your fault!"  
"At this moment, I am acquainted with the feeling. I simply sought to aid you. I shall acknowledge my mistakes at times, however I am indeed endeavouring. And you, ladies, ought to be my comrades. Unlike the hypocrites around me here! Thus do what you both fancy. I am going to court. Shall you join us, Lumpy Cake?"  
"No. Because no matter how messed up and lumpy I get, this girl never turns her back on me!," she stated before turning completely into a Lumper, "Indeed, I am following. I simply ought to turn my back on this peasant."  
"CAKE!" Fionna screamed as she sees her leaving, "IT'S ALMOST SUNSET! Cake... I didn't save her... I... I'LL KILL YOU, LUMPY SPACE!

"Regain your composure, peasant!" the three Lumpers advised.  
"Huh?" Fionna wondered, "I thought you girls left!"  
"We were drawn back by your plaintive wail," Monica explained, "we are fond of your directionless fury."  
"Um, thanks," she said uneasy.  
"You gained our respect," she said, tossing back the orb "take it, retrieve your beloved."  
"Yeah, there's no boyfriend," she confessed, "but there is still time to save Cake! Do you guys know where Courting Point is?"  
"Courting takes place way down, beyond this tremendous abyss."  
"Awesome," she exclaimed, "do any of y'all have wheels?"  
"Sadly no, we were all forsaken as you were."  
"Well... you think I can make it to that land-lump if I jumped off this cliff?" she wondered.  
"Are you mocking us? A smooth peasant like you are will plummet right into the eternal void!"  
"What if I was lumpy? Could I float over?" she asked.  
"No, no! It could be lethal!" the other former smooth one replied.  
"I shall opine you may have a chance to land unwounded," the one with glasses confessed.  
"That's good enough for me," she reassured herself, "Now bite me!"  
The three of them refused at first but, seeing the determination in Fionna's eyes, they had no other choice than to agree, biting her all once.  
"Yes!" she said turning quite quickly lumpy, "I can feel the multiple bites accelerating the lumpification process! I'm starting to float!"  
"Do not leap," they asked of her.  
"I have to, for my BFF," she argued before jumping.  
"Wow. She is a lunatic," the one with glasses yelled before seeing her landing successfully through the roof of Courting Point.

"Ah, I made it! And there she is!," she exclaimed, ending in a part of the huge ball.  
Meanwhile a snail was waving, unnoticed.  
"Indeed, this ball is marvelous," Cake was saying out loud.  
"Cake!" she called her, "I'm mostly lumpy now! And I totally think you should sit on this sphere!"  
"No!" she replied, pushing her.  
Fionna tried in vain to force her to do she was told.  
"Sit on it," she commanded.  
"No," Cake repeated, tossing the orb on the cloudy ground.  
"Please, Cake!" she begged of her, "you're my best friend! Just sit on the sphere!"  
"I did not have forgotten you," Cake confessed, "you are merely a bland aspirant lumpy hypocrite!"  
"Sit on it," she begged again, grabbing her bottom as a last attempt to save her, "before I turn completely lumpy!"  
"NO!" she yelled once more.  
"Oh, no!" Fionna realized, "I can feel the lumpiness... about to consume me!"  
A second later, she became wholly lumpy.  
"Indeed, lumpy is the quintessence!"  
"Hear me and quit mumbling to your own self, moronic lady," Cake insulted her, "gather your orb and bid farewell."  
"I agree," she replied with arrogance, "you are not worthy for such a beauty anyway!"  
"May I not scrounge it this instant thus ?" she then asked greedily.  
"Indeed, 'tis mine."  
"Hand that orb to me!" Cake reclaimed violently, reaching for the ball.  
"No," Fionna replied, "you are not worthy."  
"I desire it! Hand it!"  
"'Tis your real desire? Thus get it," she yelled as she tossed the orb behind her friend.  
Cake started to run backwards to take the treasure. While doing so, she sar on the orb, turning back to her usual self.  
"Oh! I'm not lumpy anymore!" she smiled before seeing the human, "oh, no. Fionna honey! You gotta sit on this!"  
"No! You are unable to force me!" she screamed as she ran away, not noticing the gorgeous lady she was runing into, "Peas—OOF"

Everything went dark for Glob knows how much time but, when Fionna woke up, she felt normal again.  
"Fionna! Hey, Fionna! Hey, honey Fionna," she heard Cake called, "hey, honey. We made it."  
"Man... There's something cold under my butt," she noticed before realizing it was the antidote, "Oh! The antidote! Just in time, too! LSP, I'm sorry I blew up at you before. I didn't mean it. I was just really stressed out."  
"Please, acknowledge I will not be offended," he confessed, before using his handsome curse "ladies, I might forgive you if you offer me the pleasure to dance with me."  
"Sounds good to me," she said, taken by the charm, "Whaddaya say, Jake?"  
"I find it quite pleasant," she confessed in a snob tone.  
Even the music seemed to stop, everyone gasped. What did she just said?  
"Heh heh heh. I'm just kiddin'," she laughed, happy to have tricked them all,"let's dance!"

The Lumpy Space Prince, along with Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat, danced all night long and were brought back to the Candy Kingdom only when the sun was arising.  
THE END.


	3. Prisoners of Love

Once upon a time, in the Ice Kingdom, Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat were mindlessly sliding through the snow with an office chair. They were laughing, going up and down hills, smashing the Queen's Snow Golems right in their head, only to see them replace them with a dog's head made of snow. As our duo went up in the air and fell back down, their chair was broken.  
"Oh, no, our sled's broken!" Fionna complained, "hey, let's build one out of snow!"  
She gathered some snow.  
"What are you doing, Cake?" she wondered as Cake was turning big.  
"Sleds are for suckers," she laughed, "just ride on my gut."  
"Okay," she agreed and jumped onto her guts.

And here they went, sliding once again, past Iceclops who tried to reach for them but felt head first in the snow.  
"Switch!" Cake yelled, getting on top of Fionna's tummy.  
They slid some more hills before Fionna started to freeze.  
"Switch back! Switch back!" she asked and they did, right before sliding through an horde of penguins. Both of them, followed by some curious penguin, fell through an ice tunnel that led them flying through the air when they reached the surface.  
"I'm a flying cat!" Cake laughed as her fist met Fionna's in mid-air.

Meanwhile, the Ice Queen was calmly shoveling snow into a small wheelbarrow, not bothering anyone. She was happy minding her business when the duo crashed down next to her, creating a crater.  
"What?!" the Queen wondered, approaching the crater, "who dares enter the Ice Kingdom?!"  
"Aww," Fionna realized, disappointed, "Ice Queen's here."  
"You know why I'm here?" she asked, her hands on her hips, "do you know what "Ice Queen" means?!"  
"Yeah, I know what "Ice Queen" means: A big nerd!" Cake threw shade at her, making the human laughed.  
"It means I'm Queen of Ice!" she yelled, out of her mind, "this is my domain! And you are violating Ice World law-trespassing!"  
"Come on, sister!" Cake relativized, "we're just trying to beat the heat."  
"Yeah!" Fionna added as Cake was nodding, "There's a big sleeping lava girl in our front yard, and she is SOOOOOOOOOOOO hot!"  
She gestured her hotness.  
"Wait, wait, no, I take it back," she said, seeing the look on Cake's face, "I mean, not like "sexy" hot."  
" No, no, you do mean "sexy" hot," the cat teased.  
"No, I mean-"  
"I don't care!" she yelled, annoyed, "this is my kingdom. You ladies can't just scoot about on my land willy-nilly. I've got rules here."  
"Why don't you just try being cool," Fionna sighed, building a snowman with Cake.  
"What?! I am the queen!" she flipped out, "I don't need to be cool! That's it! Rise, monsters of snow, and go beat up Fionna and Cake!"

At her words, using her magic, five unformed snow monsters arose to slide down the crater to face the worried cat and the playful human. The fight did not last long as the monster were quickly put back to snow flakes.  
"Ooh, you guys are gonna get it," the Queen screamed angrily.  
"Yeah, right, sure," Cake smirked as Fionna laughed.  
The Queen used magic again to freeze the trespassers right where they stood, into the arms of each other, celebrating their small victory. All that was left to do for the Queen was to summon minions to put them in her wheelbarrow and push them up to her castle.

When the Queen entered her Ice Castle, she walked straight to her jail.  
"I'm back home!" she told the princes she held captive, "Hello, boys!"  
Lumpy Space Prince, Hot Dog Prince, Emerald Prince, Ghost Prince, Slime Prince, Raggedy Prince and Wildberry Prince all looked terrified to see her coming back.  
"Now, now. I've brought you a baby and a kitten," she said, tossing Fionna and Jake into the room, letting them free themselves of the ice by smashing them against the wall.  
"Fionna, are you okay?" a blueberry asked.  
"Huh, Wildberry Prince?" he exclaimed, looking around, "Hot Dog Prince? W-what's goin' on?"  
"We're all prisoners, Fionna," explained Slime Prince.  
"Ice Queen!" she called angrily.  
"What?" she asked, evilly.  
"Why are you keeping these boys prisoners, ninny?" she asked.  
"You don't understand!" she screamed, "I collect princes because I want to marry one."  
"Well, why'd you capture six of them if you just want to marry one?" Cake wondered.  
"I'm collecting them all first to be sure I make the right choice," she retorted, "you're both too young to understand, but marriage is a serious thing and lasts forever. You can't just rush into it, you know?"  
"Ice Queen, don't do this," she tried to reason her, "just let the boys go. They don't want to be here."  
"Of course they do! I would have killed them already if they didn't want to be here. Right boys?" she asked them, shooting ice from her fingers with a crooked smile.

"Don't worry, princes," she reassured them as she saw the princes were all nodding not to get killed, "I pledge that Cake and I will protect each and everyone of you and furthermore I see all of you happily married to whatever sweet thing y'all want to be married to!"  
"Yay!" the princes yelled happily.  
Meanwhile a snail was waving, unnoticed.  
"Rad!" she said, ignoring the mumbling of the Queen and searching through her backpack, "what I need is something to spear the Ice Queen ... toothbrush... quilt... sweater... trail mix... my flute!  
She played it a little, before violently throwing it at the Queen which, with all the damaged it had taken, did not even make it to the bars and leaded, broken, on the ground.

"My flute!," she snapped.  
"Aw, nuts, honey!" Cake sighed, "you broke it when we tried picking the lock to that sad ogre's heart!"  
"Darn it!" she swore hearing the Queen laughing.  
"Nice try, lady!" she said, dancing "princes, did you see? Did you see Fionna fail?"  
"Don't worry, Fionna. I'll get us out of here with Key Hand! Hah-hah!" she assured her, turning her hand into a key.  
"Oh, no you won't!" the Queen stopped her by freezing her neck down.  
"Cake!" Fionna yelled.  
"Eat it," the Queen laughed.  
"I... I'm okay," she promised, freezing to death.

"Ice Queen!" Fionna snapped, red from anger, "you better either set us free or come in here and fight me 'cause otherwise I'm gonna flip out!"  
She could scream, she could flailed her arms, even her legs if she wanted but she could not even touch her through the bars.  
"Oh, are you trying to hit me?" she smirked, "well, excuse me because I have to go."  
She then left, leaving Fionna uselessly calling her name.

"Fionna," Cake shouted.  
"Huh?" Fionna wondered, a bit less angry towards her friend, "Cake, you alright?"  
"I'm fine, honey," she assured, "calm down and tend to the princes."  
"Oh my glob", she realized before apologizing, "I'm sorry, princes. Slime Prince, are you alright?"  
"She's held us here for weeks, questioning us about our favorite sports and quirky behavior," he explained, "I've tried to tell her as little as possible."  
"I understand. And, Lumpy Space Prince," she called, walking towards him, "how do you fair?"  
"'Tis quite boresome here, I am not delighted," he confessed.

"What? Not delighted?" the Queen asked, coming back, "But last night I read you the story of how I killed my last servant."  
"'Tis was not delightful, 'tis was boresome," he explained.  
"Other princes, do you feel the same way?" she wondered.  
All the princes , without being fully willing to admit it, were feeling the same way.  
"Well, here, watch, I'll show you. We'll have some fun. Fun's my middle name."

She went to her small keyboard and played a sppoky tune and hummed along with it.  
"Here, now, Wildberry Prince. I need you to play this," she asked of him, bringing the instrument to the cage.  
"I don't know how," he admitted, shyly.  
"Well, come here, I'll teach you. Put your hand through the bars," she guided him.  
"I don't think I can," he whimpered weakly.  
"Just play it like I showed you," she commanded.  
"Leave him alone, Ice Queen!" Fionna yelled at her.  
"PLAY IT OR I'LL SQUISH YOU INTO JUICE!" the old woman screamed, firing ice through her hands.  
"Oh dear!" the Prince mumbled, finally playing along.

"Yeah, keep playing it. Now everyone pick up an instrument and play it," she forced them, throwing what she could find to make them play before going for her drums, "0h, this is going to be so much fun!"  
Not hearing Fionna's growls, the Ice Queen began going into a drum solo out of key with the music the princes were playing.  
"What are you thinking, Fionna?" Cake asked her, seeing her looking around.  
"I've almost devised a plan. I'm gonna let her drum till' I've finalized the details in my mind," she explained, massaging her temples.

The Ice Queen was panting after a moment as madness took her, she started to hit penguins with the drumsticks and finally pushed the drums apart, laughing a villain laughter.  
"Oh, that was fun!" she proclaimed.  
"Ah! It was fun!" Fionna admitted, lying, "hey, you should get some more fun stuff."  
"You're right! Good idea, Fionna," she got along, leaving the room.  
"Good idea, indeed," she repeated, smiling.  
"I hope they think I'm fun," they all hear her wish.

"Alright," Fionna whispered as the Queen was nowhere to be seen, "I've got a plan on how to get out of here. First everyone needs to be dancing and laughing and saying fun stuff like "Whoopee"! Okay, when the Ice Queen comes back, everyone play it up, like we want her to come inside the jail and party with us and when she steps inside, I'm gonna beat the tar out of her with these… ...while you all take care of Cake. Everyone on board with this?"  
"Sweet plan, honey!" Cake agreed as the princes nodded.  
"I think by everyone saying "whoopee" the plan will not work, in fact she shall acknowledge 'tis a trick," the handsome Lumpy Space Prince thought to himself.  
"Good point, Lumpy Space Prince," Fionna reassured him.  
"I shall verbalize my entertainment as "indeed, 'tis so delightful! Oh my glob, I am exhilarated as I never was in my whole existence!"

"Make way for the fun tray!" the Ice Queen shouted bringing weird objects on a wooden platter before seeing the fun the princes were having, "whoa, what's happening? What is this?"  
"We're having fun! Whoopee!" Fionna explained, dancing.  
"Because I left the room?" she wondered, mad.  
"Because they like it here. Because they like you," Cake confessed, "because you're a really fun girl!"  
"I don't get this," the Queen admitted.

"She's not buying it," Fionna whispered to the rest, "dance harder."  
"Step here and entertain yourself," LSP invited her with a wink.  
"Wanna dance with us, Ice Queen? Come on!" Fionna urged her.  
"Me?" she asked, finally realizing, "you want to dance with me?"  
All the princes nodded.  
"Wow!" she screamed, dropping the board game and opening the cell door, "I'm coming then"

And so the trick had worked, Fionna jumped to kick her and the princes ran out of the room carrying Cake.  
"Wait, no!" she screamed, shooting ice at Emerald Prince, who avoided it, "don't leave! I'll kill you all!"  
Fionna, still on top of her, punched her once more as the Ice Queen tried to push her away.  
"Why are you doing this?" she asked, "everyone was finally warming up to me."  
"No! That is not the case!" Fionna confessed her, "you're nuts, lady! And I don't know how to help you! Probably because I'm just a simple girl. So maybe you should talk to someone with more life experience, like Cake!"  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Fionna, what are you doing?" Cake wondered as Hot Dog Prince and Wildberry Prince were picking the ice to free the cat, "Don't dump the Ice Queen on me!"

"But you gotta get it in you're head, lady!" the blond girl explained the old woman, "putting princes in jail is wrong!"  
"Bah!" she screamed as she jumped, freeing herself from the younger one, "you just ruined my chances with 5 or 6 potential husbands, tomboy! For that you will…"  
Fionna did not let her finish as she pulled her hair.  
"Ohh! Oh, my hair," she complained before being roundhouse kicked into a wall where her crown fell off and she lost consciousness.  
 _Why do people not like me?_ The Ice Queen was wondering, wandering through her dream, through space, entirely naked, her long hair covering her body. _Is it because I'm a magic user or is my hair too shaggy? I try so hard to be a good wife for gentlemen. What's wrong with me?  
_ "Hoo," the cosmic owl appeared in front of her "You're a sociopath."  
"Who are you?" she wondered before laughing, "I know. You're probably a-a big nerd! Why don't you try being cool like me?"  
And then she flew away only to feel a ticklish sensation.  
"Star dust is so ticklish!" she laughed before opening her eyes, back to her castle, penguins all around her tickling her, "What happened? Princes? Ohhh…"

The princes, taken by Fionna and Cake, were now outside the Ice Kingdom, cheering happily for their savior.  
"Thank you, Fionna," the little royal slime said.  
"You're welcome, Slime Prince!" she said, picking him up.  
"And remember when you vowed to marry us to the thing of our choosing?" he asked.  
"Yeah…" she hesitated.  
"Well, I'd like to marry you," he confessed as everyone was now listening.  
"Oh, heh heh, well how 'bout that…" she said awkwardly before whispering, "Cake, help me!"  
"Oh, eh…" she hesitated "Slime Prince, you shouldn't marry Fionna. She pees her pants constantly. All the time."  
"Oh, gross!" Slime Prince complained, the same disgusted look the other princes had on his face, "Put me down! Put me down!"  
"Heh heh, I'm sorry" she laughed awkwardly before doing as she was told and turning angrily to her friend, "Cake!"

The cat simply laughed, knowing Fionna the human would not be mad at her long and the princes would forget about the lie once they were all back to their kingdom… probably.  
THE END


	4. Field Trunks

Once upon a time, in the forest of the Candy Kingdom, Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat were playfully sword fighting in Field Trunks' garden, cutting carrots off the ground and slicing them in mid-air.  
"Oh, adventurers and their swords…" Field Trunks, who was watching them from the window of his house said thoughtfully, before telling them, "you ladies, stop horsing around with my carrots!"  
" Aw, Field Trunks!," they sighed, disappointed.  
"Now, come on over!" he then invited them, "I baked y'all a carrot cake."  
Both cheered at the invitation, happy to eat the delicious cake which the recipe was greedily kept by the elephant for decades.  
"I'm gonna eat it all before you even GET there!" Fionna warned Cake, laughing and running towards the little brown house.  
"Noooooo!" Cake screamed, the sword still in her paws.

Waiting for them to come, Field Trunks was putting his cake on the kitchen table.  
"Carrot cake!" Fionna screamed, opening the door.  
"Don't let her eat it all!" Cake advised, blocking the human from entering.  
"Now, you girls sit down and behave yourselves," the old animal asked of them before gazing a fly on his carrot cake, "oh! Shoo, fly! Get off my carrot cake! Huh! A fly landed on my cake. That's no good."  
He then threw dramatically the cake before the girls' horrified eyes.  
"Bye-bye."

"Why are you throwing the cake away?" the blonde adventurer asked, sad and hungry.  
They soon understood Field Trunks actions as a bunch of flies flew in and flew around the cake, making them groan in disgust.  
"Flies wanted it, they can have it," the elephant promised.  
"Anyways, don't y'all worry 'cause the new cake is coming in the wag of a lamb's tail," he promised, already opening the oven's door.

"New cake?" they both wondered before cheering.  
"Here you are," Field Trunks gave them the cake while the girls were sitting around the table, on chairs quite small for their butts, "Come on, go ahead."  
He would not have to told them twice. in a instant, the cake was gone into their guts.  
"What you think?" he asked.  
"Best carrot cake ever!" Cake shouted, carrot still covering her face.  
"Oh, Cake, thank you, but that ain't the best carrot cake," he confessed, humbly.  
"What are you talking about, Field Trunks?" Fionna wondered "what can be better than your carrot cake?"  
"You ate all the cake…" Cake noticed as she grabbed the empty plate.  
"Fionna, what would you do if you could do anything?" he then asked mysteriously.

" Anything?" she repeated before wishing one of her dreams, "well, I'd catch a shooting star, travel to outer space and fight space monsters!"  
"I'd carve my face on the moon so the moon would look like my face!" Cake added.  
"What would you do, Field Trunks?" the human then asked the elephant.  
"I would go pick a carrot," he replied, proudly.  
"...Lame," Fionna confessed before being slapped by her best friend, "I'm sorry. I mean, it's just you pick carrots every day."  
"This carrot ain't like the carrots that I pick," Field Trunks explained, "they say it's the carrot of carrots; rarest kind of all. Legends call it the Crystal Gem Carrot."  
"That sounds awesome!" Cake had to admit after spitting her tea on Fionna.  
"Where is it?" she asked, not minding the quite warm liquid on her.  
"I've heard that it grows at the deepest end of the Evil Dark Forest," he said.  
"Whoo!" she yelled, standing from excitement, followed by Cake's cheers "Field Trunks you gotta go pick that carrot!"

"What? Me? Oh, no I'm just a rusty little elephant. I'm not cut out for adventuring," he confessed, his trunk brushing his mustache.  
"Field Trunks!" Fionna called, "This is your dream! Think about eating that carrot with your own mouth."  
"Or your trunk," the cat added.  
"Imagine the flavor," one started.  
"And your satisfied face," the other finished.  
"Really?" he wondered, "You think I can handle the Scary Dark Forest?"  
"Yeah, and we'll help you," Fionna promised.  
"We love you, Field Trunks," Cake confessed, hugging him.  
"Okay. I'll do it," he agreed, "Call me... Adventurer Field Trunks."

The trio made their journey to the cursed forest in less than a day, soon reaching the ominous dark trees with faces carved on their trunks.  
"I love being so high up from the ground!" the elephant confessed, on top of Fionna's bunny hat.  
"Psst, I can take you even higher on my shoulders," the cat proposed, getting taller as she spoke.  
"No, Cake," Fionna stopped her, "he has a weak heart."  
"Oh, yeah," she recalled before stepping along with the human on a flesh like ground.

"Ewww, why is this ground all squishy?" Fionna asked.  
"Whatever it is, I'm liking it," she replied, bouncing her butt onto the ground, "Oh, yeah!"  
"I wanna try!," Field Trunks asked.  
"Okay," Fionna agreed, putting him down, "I'm cool with you letting you do whatever you want."  
"Heeheehee!" he chuckled, walking around, "It's like some cookie dough!"

The elephant then heard a groan behind him. He turned around to see the most beautiful eye with the longest eyelashes he ever saw.  
"Oh, hello there," he greeted the eye.  
"Uhh," Fionna realized, "Field Trunks, stay away from that."  
The Wall of Flesh was suddenly standing, ready to fight the adventurers. It pushed the human and the cat far, letting them both land on the flesh.  
"Ugh, you're gonna get it, wall of flesh," Fionna promised before attacking it along with Cake.

"An eye and a mouth," Field Trunks was noticing, amazed, "well, I think I got the perfect thing for him or her... stickers!"  
The creature open its eye wild. _What did he just say?_  
"Careful, Field Trunks, this thing is evil," Fionna warned him, still punching and kicking.  
"Here's a rainbow sticker," he explained, mindlessly, "and here's a scratch-and-sniff sticker. Smells just like a pickle. Oh, and this one is a holographic unicorn, but it doesn't have a horn."  
He put some stickers on the monster.

"Oh, now," he exclaimed as the monster grabbed him, "whatcha doing?"  
"Huh? Field Trunks!" the human shouted, fearful.  
Fionna then rushed towards her friend, cutting off the wall's arm before it could eat the elephant. Having enough, being wounded, the monster then ran and hid in a tree.  
"You better stay in that tree, babe," she warned it, "um, Field Trunks were you putting stickers on that evil monster?"

"Yes, I thought it needed some tender love and affection," he explained before noticing a flying form that looked like a skeleton with wings, "oh, what a pretty butterfly!"  
"Field Trunks?" she asked, seeing him followed the creature, "ugh. Cake, I just realized that Field Trunks is old and bonkers. We can't take him through this Evil Dark Forest."  
"Nah," she reassured her, "he'll be fine."  
"But the monsters?" Fionna argued.  
"It's fine. It's fine!" Cake assured  
"Are you sure?" she wondered "'cause he has zero adventurer training."  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fine, he'll be fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine," she reassured her again, flailing her arms.  
"Maybe it is fine," she admitted before noticing the elephant disappearance, "Field Trunks?"  
"Where'd he go?" the cat asked.  
"Field Trunks!" the human called, "We gotta find her, Cake! Field Trunks!"  
"Where are you, Field Trunks?"

Deeper into the forest, Field Trunks was picnicking with his new friend, the skelefly, without noticing that, behind him, living signposts where running to get him.  
Meanwhile a snail was waving, unnoticed.  
"And here's your glass," he explained, taking whisky glasses from his basket, "and here's my glass."  
"Field Trunks!" they called once more before seeing their friend surrounded by monsters.  
"And here's your sandwich," he offered one of the monsters, who tossed it on the ground, "oops, you dropped it."  
"Field Trunks, run!" the human yelled.  
"Oh, hey, Fionna," he greeted her as the living signposts turned to see her.

"Time to call your mamas, evil signposts," she warned them, sheathing her words, ready to fight with Cake.  
They ran towards the monsters, sliding them one by one, but they were too many.  
"Patience, boys," Field Trunks told them as the signposts were almost grabbing him, "there's enough sandwiches for everyone."  
The monsters then grabbed the elephant. Fionna hurried to save him but she was blocked by the signposts. She managed to slide through them, holding Field Trunks in her arms to keep him unharmed.  
"Oh, Fionna" he chuckled, "what a nice hug."  
"I'm not hugging you!" she snapped, still embracing him in order to protect him as the creatures were tearing through her hat and flesh with their wooden arms, "I'm trying to save your life! There's too many!"  
"Fionna?!" Cake asked, worried, getting bigger to smash their enemies.  
She then hurried to save her friends by getting even larger, putting them on her guts and folding her sides to become a ball. All the evil signposts were eliminated and Cake rolled them to a safer place of the forest.

"Oh, Fionna," Field Trunk admitted, "that picnic was crummier than a big ol' biscuit."  
"Field Trunks," she sighed, having scratches all over her face and a black-eye, "I'm all jacked up because of you. Look at my jacked up face!"  
"Are you mad at me?" he asked, all sad.  
"No, I'm not mad," she admitted, "you're too super-nice for me to be mad at you, and you're a top notch adventurer. Now, let's go find and eat the heck out of that crystal gem carrot together."

As she spoke, a pink creature came to face them. Its snake like arms hissed as it approached.  
"Dang it!" the human swore.  
"You go fight—I'll keep Field Trunks out of trouble," Cake advised, lifting her arms.  
"Awesome," she admitted, letting the elephant to her best friend to fight the beast.  
"C-Cake," Field Trunks said, "I think Fionna is getting jacked up again."  
"Yeah, Fionna can handle it," she reassured her, "she's 12."  
"I think I know a way to help her out," he confessed.  
"Uhh, you should stay here, Field Trunks," she argued.  
"But I thought Fionna told me that I was a top notch adventurer," he said, "and my adventurer instincts tell me to seduce that tentacle critter with my manly charms and elephant powers."  
"Uhh, no way," she disagreed.

Field Trunks did not care if Cake did not agree, after showing her some of his skills, he came towards the creature in order to seduce it. He had put some perfume he had found and his mustache was shining with all the brushing he had done.  
"Uh, what are you doing here, Field Trunks?" Fionna asked, still fighting the snakes, being bitten.  
"I'm helping you by tempting this girl with my charms," he explained, winking at the creature.  
"It's not a girl, Field Trunks!" she argued, 'It's a Snake Armed Ruby Brain Beast!'"  
"Even brain beasts get lonely, Fionna!" he said, a perverted tone in his voice.  
"Cake!" she called "you were supposed to watch her!"

"He got passed me, honey," she admitted, blushing as her tail was all puffed up, "I tried to stop him, but he overpowered me."  
"GET him out of here!" she yelled.  
"Huh?" she asked, realizing her mistake.  
She hurried to save the old animal, grabbing all the snakes with her paws.  
"Fionna, kill it!" she urged.  
"I can't find it's magic gem weak spot!" she confessed.  
Suddenly, the creature faced the other way, showing its giant gem on its back.  
"Oh, there it is," she noticed before rushing to kill it.

"I did it! I helped!" Field Trunks congratulated himself, "I'm the most charming adventurer in the world!"  
"Field Trunks! You're not an adventurer!" Fionna had to tell him, "you nearly got yourself killed again! Do you wanna die, Field Trunks?! Is that what you think adventurers do?! Die and make all their friends feel terrible 'cause they couldn't save them?!"  
"Whoa, honey," Cake grounded her, seeing tears coming out of Field Trunks' eyes.  
"I'm going home now," he agreed, walking away while sobbing.  
"Ugh... Field Trunks," she called, feeling so bad for what she said, "Field Trunks!"  
"Don't follow me," he asked before walking aimlessly in the forest, tears blurring his sight, "Oh, Fionna... You shouldn't yell at a seniors that just wanna help you."  
His thoughts were suddenly cut by what he saw in front of him. Here it was!

"Man, I feel horrible," Fionna admitted, hugging herself as Cake was playing with her sword, "I was only yelling because I care about his safety."  
"That's what happens when you care too much, honey," she explained, carelessly.  
Her thoughts were cut by Field Trunks' voice. They rushed towards the noise to see from what danger they would pull him off this time.  
"Field Trunks!" they called before seeing an orange glow through the trees, "Huh!"  
"Fionna," he called as he had stepped on a small field with only one carrot in the ground, "I found the crystal gem carrot."  
"You're the man, Field Trunks!," Cake and Fionna cheered.

"Field Trunks, I'm a huge butt girl for getting mad at you," the human confessed, "I'm a huge fart. I was only upset because... I love you and I don't wanna see you get hurt."  
"That's precious, Fionna," he said, accepting her excuses, "and I'll accept your apology if you kiss my cheek."  
"Uhhhh," she hesitated, not really willing to meet the old man's flesh with her lips, "I don't know, I-"  
"Whoa!" Cake stopped her, "come on, kiss his cheek, honey. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."  
Whoa!" a voice repeated, "come on, kiss his cheek, honey. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."  
"Uhhhh, I don't know…" another replied before coming out of the ground without breaking it.

It was an unformed creature that had two faces, one looking like Cake's, the other, looking like Fionna's.  
"A crystal guardian!" the human shouted, "Field Trunks, stay out of the monster battle this time. I don't want you getting hurt."  
"Alright, I promise I will."  
"Radical!" she cheered before turning to the monster, "back off you!"  
"Back off you!" her crystal self repeated.  
"Stop copying me! Grrah!" she got mad.  
"Stop copying me! Grrah!"

Both ran towards each other, fist first. As they collided, Fionna felt a huge pain overwhelming her body. She put her hand away, suffering.  
"Fionna!" Cake called before getting bigger, "Graw!"  
"Graw," her crystal version echoed, imitating her.  
As their headbutts collided, the cat felt she would get a huge headache. She turned to her normal size.  
"She's copying everything we do," Fionna noticed.

"Hey!" Field Trunk noticed the skelefly as he was picking up mushrooms, "it's my butterfly-friend. That's precious."  
"Whoo!" Cake noticed as a horde of flying creatures were surrounding the elephant, playing music to make him dance, "shake it, Field Trunks!"  
"Whoo! Shake it, Field Trunks!" the guardian echoed before turning into the old animal.  
"Gem-clam! Let's beat it up while it's copying Field Trunks!" Fionna adviced, "Yaah!"  
Their crystal versions came out of Crystal Field Trunks' butt as they tried to attack it. Both felt on the crystal ground.  
"Crud, this is barf girl," Cake sighed.  
"Oh, man," Fionna understood, "I'm a total moron! We gotta fight this one Field Trunks style."  
"I'll get the staches."

After Cake had found some grass and leaves, along with perfume, they dressed themselves has Field Trunks would, trying to charm the crystal guardian.  
"Hey! Crystal Guardian, are you okay with Field Trunks taking a bite of that carrot?" Fionna asked as Cake had taken him by her arm to put him closer.  
"I'm okay with it," the cat said.  
"I'm okay with it," the creature repeated.  
"And I'm stupid."  
"And I'm stupid."  
"Heh-heh, you heard the guardian, FT," Cake told him, pulling the small but beautiful crystal carrot off the ground, "bite that thing."  
"Okay!" he agreed, chewing the vegetable.

"Whoo! How's it taste, Field Trunks?" Fionna asked.  
"Yeah! How is it?" Cake wondered.  
The old animal made a sour face and seemed to be ready to explain his feelings but, before a single word came out of his lips, he exploded. The two adventurers and the Crystal Guardian looked at each other in shock, not so happy.

Meanwhile, in another dimension made out of Crystal, a laughter could be heard. A new visitor had come, old and naive. His little legs letting him walk all around the dimension as his trunk would touch everything he would reach.  
THE END


	5. The Enchiridion!

Once upon a Time, in the Candy Kingdom, Prince Gumball had thrown a huge party. All of the Candy People, along with Fionna and Cake, were dancing.  
"Candy Party!" Fionna shouted "Cake! This party is so crazy!"  
"I know, Fionna!" she laughed "I know!"  
"So, Fionna…" a small Gumdrop Lass boy called, "do you have boyfriend?"  
"Oh, my gosh!" his friend, another candy of the same specie laughed, "I can't believe you just said that."  
"What a wonderful, marvelous party!" the Punch Bowl said, dropping juice everywhere as small candies were dancing around it.  
"Okay. I'm gonna do it," Cinnamon Roll told to herself, then yelled at the crowd, "okay-okay-okay. Everyone watch! I'm gonna do a flip!"  
She jiggled, she wiggled, but felt due to her clumsiness and hit her head on a tower wall, cracking it.  
"Oh no!" she groaned.

The crack streaked upward toward the balcony where Prince Gumball was dancing, unaware of the danger before the tower began to crumble.  
"Prince Gumball's in trouble!" Fionna realized.  
She ran towards the tower, bumping into Candy People, who got mad at her. She did not even dare to reply their comments is the prince was still falling towards the ground, screaming, scared to death. Hopefully, Fionna dove towards Gumball and caught him just before he hit the ground. All the Candy People gasped and murmured.  
Meanwhile, a snail was waving, unnoticed.  
"Please! Calm yourselves, my people," he reassured them, "I am safe! Oh, thank you, Fionna. You truly are my heroine this day."  
"Cool," she replied, blushing.

"Heroine…" he started pondering, "Hmmm... Heeeeerroooo-ine... Hey, I just thought of something!"  
"Uhh…" she wondered as the prince was leaving her arms, "what'd you think of?"  
"I'll show you. Come on! We'll go through my secret entrance," he said before asking of her citizens, "alright, everyone. Turn around."  
Candy People and Cake stared blankly at Prince Gumball, clueless.  
"Well, turn around" he wispered, "this entrance is secret."  
"Oh," they all realized, disappointed and turned around.  
"Hurry, Fionna!" he called her as he removed a stone from the tower, sliding inside.  
"No way!" she laughed, before entering and putting back the brick.

Led by the prince? Fionna reached a secret room up the tower. It was glowing blue, everywhere.  
"Here it is," the pink-haired man said as he took a yellow globe Out of the chest he has been searching through from minutes, "Check it out."  
"A magical globe?" she asked.  
"No, Fionna," he retorted, "It's what you can see through the globe."  
As she grabbed the orb, an image of a book appeared.  
"Golly!" she exclaimed.

"Look," he giggled, "see this book?"  
"Yeah, I see it!"  
"It's called the Enchiridion," he explained, "it's a book meant only for heroes whose hearts are righteous. The book lies at the top of Mount Cragdor, guarded by a girly minotaur. It's waiting for a truly righteous hero to claim it!" he proclaimed.

"Do you think I've got the goods, Gumball?" she wondered, excited, "'Cause I am into this stuff!"  
"Yeah, I know. And yes, I do," he confessed.  
"Then off I go!" Fionna screamed, jumping out of a high tower window.  
"Caaaaaaaaake!" she called as her best friend stretched to catch her.  
"Thanks, gal," she said, landing on her back.  
"Farewell, Fi— Oh, wait a minute..." the prince said before realizing something and reaching into his belt to pull out a handkerchief and waving it. "farewell, Fionna the human girl!"  
"Bye, Prince!" she said before turning to Cake, "You know what time it is, sista?"  
"Aaaaadventure time?" she guessed.  
"Yeah, man!"

And here they were gone to Mount Cragdor. They walked some miles before reaching its gate kept by a small and plump woman with a key on top of her head.  
"Greetings, young heroes to be," she greeted them, speaking quickly, "this mountain is called Cragdor. Its purpose is two-fold: To protect the Enchiridion and to test the hearts of those who seek to possess it. Many noble challengers have entered the temple to pass the grueling trials that lie behind these walls, but no one has ever left here alive or dead! Only the truest most worthy hero can receive the heroes' Enchiridion and walk out these doors again! If it is you, friend, and I cannot say that I am certain, but you are verily welcome to try; However, first you must pass my riddle. My name is Key-per, and duly so, for I carry the key to this door, but all is not how it appears, you see. Or perhaps you do not see at all. Perhaps the key is in you, child, but you cannot use your brawn here. The door is magically sealed."  
Before her dialogue ended, Fionna had picked up the woman to put her head into the key-hole and turned her, opening the heavy wooden doors.

"Oh ho! You've unlocked the riddle of the door," she laughed, "brilliantly done, child! Please, reveal to me how you unraveled my clue."  
"I just thought you'd look cute stuffed in that lock," she admitted.  
"Oh, yes. That's how most people get in," she confessed.  
"Bye!" Fionna said, waving at her.  
"You've passed the first trial, young heroes, but prepare yourselves!" she told them before thinking out loud, "for there are many trials ahead of you, and each trial is more treacherous than the last."

Cake and Fionna were quite lost on this green mountain, as the cat had to sniff their way to the book, or try at least.  
"Enchiridion is…That way," she pointed.  
"What?! Honey! You can't smell the book from here!" Fionna argued.  
"It's in the castle on top of the mountain," she explained before sniffing once more, "in a room. Wish you had one, huh?"

Suddenly, Fionna heard voices yelling for help.  
"This way!" she said, running towards the voices.  
"What about the book?" Cake asked.  
"It can wait," she retorted, running through the woods, "someone needs our help."  
They jumped over brambles. Cake made it and Fionna landed on her face.  
"Yo, Fionna," she asked, pulling her face of the ground, "are you alright? Did you get brain damage?"  
"I'm fine!" she reassured her, "keep going! We have to hurry!"

Then, they ran into three pixies trapped in a lava pit. Listening only her courage, Fionna reached in and pulled them out.  
"I gotcha."  
"Thank you for saving us," the red pixie said before his voice became menacing "now we can destroy this old man!"  
"La la la-la!" the man tied to a stake sang as the pixies were flying towards her.  
"What?!" Fionna snapped.  
The pixies zapped the old man with magic and she disappeared.

"Every time you say "what" we'll destroy an old man.," the red pixie warned.  
"What?!" she repeated as another old man was zapped and disappeared.  
"Every time you say "no" we'll destroy an old man."  
"No! Wai…" she panicked as three more old men disappeared.  
"Please...Don't destroy...Anymore...Old men," she begged as every word she would say would be the doom of a nice old man.  
"Every time you look sad we'll destroy a big old woman!" they warned her.  
"Well... Ever since I got the…" the big old woman was saying before being zapped.  
"Hey, guys," the red pixie said to the others, "every time she's a big wuss, let's destroy an old man."  
" Yeah!" they agreed, laughing as Fionna, distressed, ran away.

" Hey! Back off, you pixies!" Cake interfered, "that kid just saved you ! You should thank her, not destroy old men! Do you even know what I'm talking about? Say thank you! Say... Thank... You."  
"Kill him!" the red pixie urgued.  
The pixies tried zapping Cake with magic, but Cake twisted her body and grabs the pixies.  
"Get back in there!" she said, shoving them back to the lava pit.

The cat walked away to her friend as the pixies were once again screaming for help. She found her by a river, sitting on a rock.  
"Hey, Fionna," she called "You okay?"  
"No way, honey," she replied with a sad tone, "those old men are destroyed because of me. I'm not righteous. I'm wrongteous. Stupidteous."  
"Awww" she reassured her as she watched the rock the human had just thrown ricocheting on the water and on a tree, before sinking, "don't let those pixies and their illusions get you down. They're just pixies and illusions."  
"Illusions?" she wondered.  
"Yeah, honey. Think. What would regular, old, sweet men be doing wandering the hills of Mount Cragdor?" she asked.  
"Maybe they're lost?" she replied with hesitation.  
"No way," she laughed, "this place is designed to mess you up. To mess with your head. None of this is real. It's all just trials to test your heroic attributes."  
"Hmmm…" she pondered, "Hmmm!"  
"Now let's go get that book," Cake urged, getting up.  
"Yeah! You're the smartest cat I know, girl," Fionna complimented her.

Her best friend, seeing the human stood up, laughed before being eaten by a giant, an ogre. She was wearing a simple skirt as her long hair was covering her upper body.  
"Cake?" she called, "Caaaaaaaake!"  
"You cannot pass!" the ogre stopped her.  
"Gimme back my friend!"  
"No!" the ogre argued as the cat was popping out of the ogre's nostril.  
"It's ok, Fionna! I can get out!"  
Too bad for her the ogre shoved her finger into her nostril, pushing Cake back inside.  
"Let Cake go, or I'll…" she warned, kicking her foot, "I'll kick your foot!"  
"It is impossible for you to hurt me!" she laughed.  
"Don't worry, honey!" Cake laughed as she popped out of the ogre's ear, "I found another way—oof!"  
Once again the ogre's finger pushed her right back inside.

"I'm coming, sista!" she shouted as she started to climb the ogre's leg.  
"I think your cat finally fell into my stomach," the ogre said after a long burp, before feeling something going to one of her pocket on her skirt, "Hey... Where'd you go?"  
"I got your wallet, girl!" Fionna warned her after having pulled a giant dollar out of it.  
She then grabbed the opposite edges of the dollar and glided away on it like a hang-glider.  
"No! My big money! Give it back!" the ogre begged, following her.  
"Give me back my friend!" Fionna urged.  
"But I killed her already!" she confessed.

"Fine," she cried angrily, "I'll give you your dollar. Here's your dollaaaaaarrrrr!"  
She then glided back towards the ogre and did a flying kick into her stomach.  
"Oof!" the orgre groaned as her stomach rumbled and Cake came out of her mouth followed by a disgusting liquid.  
"Cake!" she called, gliding back to her and grabbing her with her feet, "you're okay!"  
"Stomachs are weird," she laughed.

Then they were gone, using the dollar to glide. They arrived to the entrance of a stone temple near the top of the mountain.  
"Honey! You just flew us all the way to the top!" Cake laughed before sniffing, "wait a minute. I can smell the book right through this door."  
"You're under arrest for stealing my dollar!" the ogre was crying in the distance.  
"Just a minute, Cake," Fionna asked of her.  
She folded the dollar into a paper airplane and launched it towards the ogre.  
"Hey!" the ogre yelled, catching the dollar and laughing happily.  
"You know what that was? That was righteous," Cake congratulated her.  
"Thanks, Cake. Now sniff out that book for me," she urged her.  
"You got it!"

Picking up the cat, Fionna made her way through the temps. They arrived into a long hallway with arms holding knives sticking out from the pillars.  
"Whoa!" Fionna let out.  
"Congratulations, Fionna the human," a raspy voice greeted them out of a purple mist, "you must be truly righteous to have made it this far."  
"Thank you."  
"Now!" the Dark Witch said as she was revealed, "enter my brain-world, and I will show you some aspect of yourself that you're not entirely aware of."

Everything was dark, everything was gray. It was in a misty area she had landed.  
"Where... am I?" Fionna asked.  
"For your final trial, slay the beast!" the Dark Witch's voice said, though she was nowhere to be found.  
In front of her appeared a heart monster with a scarf. Its left hand seemed to be able to use magic.  
"Why? Is it an evil beast?" she wondered.  
"Yeeeeessss," she assured, "it's completely evil. Will you slay it?"  
"Shoot, yeah. I'll slay anything that's evil. That's my deal."  
Then, the beast attacked but Fionna, quicker, dodged and jumped on top of the beast. She punched the monster until it burst, gusting blood as its body felt to the ground.

"Yeeeeessss! You've done well, hero," the voice congratulated her.  
"Thank you."  
"Now! As one last, last trial…" she said as an small insect appeared, "slay this ant!"  
"Is it evil?" she asked, kneeling to get closer to her enemy.  
"No! But it's not good either. It's," she hesitated, "uh, neutral. Will you slay it?"  
Fionna tried to kill it as she raised her first, but was unable to hurt it, slamming her fist down next to the ant.  
"No!"  
"If you want the heroes' Enchiridion, then slay this unaligned ant!" the evil voice warned her.  
"Never. Never. Never!"  
"Uh oh," the Dark Witch said as they came back to the real world.

Fionna rushed towards the witch, hitting her breast. Her dark cloak felt to the ground as a red mist poured out.  
"Congratulations, Fionna the human," Key-per said, coming from a door in front of the adventurers, dressed as the Devil, "now you have truly reached…"  
"Never!" Fionna repeated, punching the small woman in the stomach.  
"Oh, no! Mrs. Key-per! I-I'm sorry," she apologized hearing the woman groaning, "why are you wearing that little devil costume?"  
"These are my pajamas," she explained on the ground, "I was getting ready for bed."

A cute girly minotaur came running from the door, which was leading outside.  
"Fionna... Cake... You made it!"  
"Are you another trial?" the human asked.  
"Trial? Oh, no!" she laughed, a hand covering her face, "I'm Girlish Girl, the minotaur."  
"The girly minotaur from Prince Gumball's story!" she exclaimed.  
She recalled the tales of the pretty but deadly lady that could have defeated any giant without having a single nail broken. The minotaur laughed, fluttering her eyelashes as blush was covering her dimples.

"So, can I check out the Enchiridion? Can I? Can I? Can I?" she begged.  
"Yeah. Come on. Let's go check it out," she said, running, "Woohoo!"  
Outside, a picnic table had been prepared were old men were waiting for them.

"We've been watching you ladies on our magical viewing globe. Take a seat girls, have some juice. There's grape and apple and the gatekeeper made spaghetti. And... Alright, Fionna. Are you ready for this?" she asked, pulling out an old book while making a small explosion noise with her mouth.  
"The Enchiridion!" she exclaimed.  
"You deserve it, Fionna," she said, handing her the book.  
"Really?" she wondered.  
"Yeah, Fionna. You're the goodest of heart and most righteous hero I've seen here. Tenderness, ingenuity, bravery, nard-kicking ability, and when you took that giant ogre's dollar…" she laughed, "oh, man! The Key-per nearly fainted!"  
"It's true!" the woman admitted.  
"Hey!" Cake laughed, "crack open that book and read something for fun's sake, alright?"  
"Oh, yeah," she said as she opened the book to a random page, "Whoa. 'How to Get Kissed by Royalty'?"  
"Whoa," Cake giggled, "what'd you just read?"

As that instant, Prince Gumball appeared on the magical viewing globe.  
"Yeah. What does it say, Fionna? Girlish Girl won't tell me," he confessed.  
"Hey," she whispered, "don't tell him, Fionna."  
"It doesn't say anything, Prince," she giggled and winked at the minotaur.  
"Girlish man!" he called, annoyed.  
The minotaur shrugged at the prince, chuckling.

All of them had the best picnic of their life, not caring about the prince, begging to know the truth.  
THE END


	6. The Jiggler

Once upon a time, as Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat were coming back from an heroic mission, the blonde girl began to sing in a electronic voice:

 _Baby!  
_ _I know what you need.  
_ _You want your little baby socks, for your little baby feet.  
_ _Baby!  
_ _I know what you crave.  
_ _You want to poop your pants all day long. Well, baby behave!_

 __"Hey, how can you sing like that, honey?" Cake asked, enjoying the tone.  
"Remember when I swallowed that little computer?"  
"Oh, yeah," she recalled.

They reached a small house and dropped off fruits and a string of sausages at the doorstep, where they were asked to deliver them.  
"Alright, Stacy. You and your family are safe... Again…" Fionna told her, walking away from the door.  
"Seriously, Stacy. For a watermelon you get into trouble way more often than you should."

They then made their way home, walking across the Grass Lands as Cake was humming. Suddenly, a small pink creature with no arms nor legs came behind Cake and knocked her off feet.  
"What the... Shmow-zow! Look at that!" Fionna exclaimed, amazed at the whistling creature that made her squishy arms and legs come out.  
"That... is the most adorable thing I have ever seen," Cake admitted, "and she loves your baby song. Sing some more of it, honey."  
"Alright," she agreed.

 _Baby!_  
 _You lookin' so good._  
 _You lookin' like you might..._  
 _want some baby food._

"Keep it going, girl," Cake laughed as the creature was dancing along.

 _Baby!_  
 _You lookin' so fine._  
 _You lookin' like you might…_  
 _just start cryin'._

"Honey!" Fionna declared, "this girl... is a gal for life! It looks like she's got two jiggly bellies stuck together."  
"I've got that on my back," she chuckled, "I call it my butt."  
The creature jiggled her butt.  
"She's the Jiggler," Fionna laughed, before turning to their new friend, "you are the best thing ever. Let's take the Jiggler back to the house and just stick her by our bed so we can wake up..."  
"Next to a little dancing girl every morning!" both girl said at once.

And here they were back to the Tree Fort with the Jiggler. Fionna kept and kept on signing.

I gotta tuck you in,girl  
I gotta sing you sweet melodies about babies.  
Yeah!

"Welcome to your new home," she welcomed the pink creature, "feast your eyes on... everything!"  
The Jiggler whistled, on Fionna's bunny hat. The girl then grabbed her toothbrush, tearing it in half vertically.  
"What are you doing?" Cake wondered.  
"Splitting my toothbrush in half, so she can use half," Fionna explained.  
"Here you go," she handed the half to the Jiggler, "it's for your teeth. Like this."  
She then mimed how to brush teeth. The creature followed, swishing the toothbrush around the inside of her mouth.  
"Yeah! You got it."  
"Enough hygiene," Cake declared, putting a record into a phonograph, "Let's get to it!"

Everyone danced when they heard the music. The Jiggler held the toothbrush in her tiny hand as the two girls tried to copy her moves.  
"Yeah! Toothbrush dance," Fionna laughed, "this is cool!"  
They danced all day long, breaking a few furniture by excitement.

"Dance... dance…" Fionna yawned once night had come, "I'm not tired! How about you, Cake?"  
Cake could not reply, sleeping on the floor.  
"Maybe we should go upstairs," she said, grabbing the Jiggler and climbing the ladder.  
Once on her bedroom, she placed the Jiggler in her bed.  
"You can have the comfiest spot on the bed. Goodnight," she whistled as the Jiggler whistled back.  
She then blew out the candel, curled up on the end of her bed, and felt asleep without any issue.

"Mornin', Cake!" Fionna greeted her, coming to the kitchen as the sun had already settled.  
"Mornin'," she yawned.  
"Are you ready to get down?" she jumped before pushing her voice to get it all electronic, "let's get this party started!"  
"Yeah, ok," she laughed.  
"Where's the little girl?" she suddenly realized.  
"Over there," she pointed out with a tea cup.

"Hey, girl," Fionna called the Jiggler, who was face-down on the back of their bench, looking sick and tired, "you ready to cut loose? Wake and shake, girl. Let's do this thing!"  
She whistled and the Jiggler whistled back pathetically.  
"Slam-a-cow!" Cake swore, "that fool looks rumped."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, look at her," she explained, "she's all limp... and weird."  
"Aww... I bet she just needs some breakfast after a night of extraordinary jiggling. Hey!," Fionna thought, "let's combine everything we can find in the kitchen... and have the Jiggler drink it! That'll wake her up! And then we can... _Get doooowwwn_!"  
She whistled weakly once more as she heard the electronic voice.

"She doesn't want to drink that goop, honey," Cake confessed.  
"Then let's just give her some, uh…" she tried to remember the name as she reached for food in her backpack, "purple whatevers."  
"You mean the grapes?" she corrected her.  
"Yeah. Whatever," she said, feeding the Jiggler a grape, letting her swallow slowly, "Hey! I think she's diggin' it!"  
"That doesn't sound good," Cake argued as her body contorted and she made a strange humming noise.

The Jiggler's body suddenly changed color and shape as the adventurers screamed.  
"Uh, you think we... think we fed the wrong hole?" Cake guessed as she saw a gray juice coming from one of the Jiggler's holes.  
"Nah. She just doesn't like purple whatevers," she noticed as Caked flipped her upside-down, "what we need to do is figure out what she does like to eat."  
"Here, Jiggler," she called, bringing drawing she made, "what kind of food do you like? Meat? Some banana? This looks like corn... I think. Uh... hot dog. Stacy the watermelon."  
She turned her horrible drawings to the creature, that failed her arms.

"Look! Cake! she likes it!" she exclaimed as the Jiggler pulled the drawings off of the paper, "Wow!"  
"No way!" Cake shouted as the Jiggler slurped the drawings into her mouth to eat them.  
"Her favorite food... is drawings!" Fionna realized, "Awesome!"  
"Holy fig, that's awesome! What food are you drawing now?"  
"I'm drawing a picture of you," the human confessed.  
"Well, don't feed it me!" she asked, distressed.

"Come on," she laughed, offering the drawing to their friend, "eat her up, Jiggler!"  
"No!," Cake whimpered as the Jiggler slurped the drawing off of the paper, pulling her away before she could eat it.  
The drawing of Cake floated towards them and the cat ran away with the creature.  
"Ahhh! Keep it away! Shoo! Shoo!" she screamed.  
"Alright. Alright," Fionna said, grabbing the drawing, "I got it. Calm down... I'll eat it. Ahhhhh."  
"Honey!" Cake snapped as her best friend opened her mouth wide, taking the drawing from her, "you eating me is just as bad as the Jiggler eating me."  
"Well... You gonna eat yourself, strong girl?"  
"Yes. If that is what must be done," she pondered a little before putting the drawing in her mouth, chewing and swallowing, "I taste awesome."  
"Ok. Alright," Fionna laughed, "now, let's get back to some jiggling!"  
"I'll get the tunes!"

Both girls started dancing, unnoticing the Jiggler shaking and withering.  
"Like this. Yeah! Woo! Come on Jiggler! Wiggle and whistle!" Fionna shouted.  
"Yeah, Jiggler. Go nuts!" Cake added, "go nuts like t here's bugs on your butts!"  
But the sickly Jiggler only shook her head as gray juice spurted out of the hole on top of her head and she collapsed.  
"Jiggler?" Fionna grasped.  
"What the heck? What's wrong with her?"

"Uh…" she pondered, "there's nothing wrong with her. We just gotta plug up her holes."  
She stuck her finger into the hole that was gushing juice.  
"See? That worked. Ready to jiggle again, cutie?" she smiled but juice came out from another hole, "Whoa!"  
"Oh, man…" Cake swore as she plugged the hole but another was already leaking, "quick! We gotta plug those holes!"  
"Cake, hurry!" Fionna urgued as Cake walked away, leaving juice splatter Fionna.  
"All I could find was your glass eye collection!" Cake confessed from another room.  
"What about your eyepatch collection?" she wondered.  
"Aw, honey," she argued, "they're in mint condition."  
"Cake!"  
"Alright!" she agreed, taking both collections, "Coming!"

Soon the Jiggler's holes were all plugged by glass eyes and eye-patches.  
"She looks terrible," Cake had to admit, seeing the mess their friend had become, "Fionna, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think we should cut our losses and bring this fella back to where we found her."  
"We can't just abandon her," she argued, "look at her, Cake. she needs us now more than ever. Just need to take better care of you from now on, right cuttie?"  
The Jiggler could not say a word before swelling and exploding, spraying pink juice everywhere.  
"Jiggler!" they shouted.

The Jiggler's body stretched in every direction and draped the inside of the Tree Fort like taffy.  
"Oh... Fionna," she called as her best friend was screaming distressingly, "ok... Our pet exploded."  
" Maybe we can... scrape her up! And... eyuhh…" she tried, "oh, holy moly! Don't worry, Jiggler. We'll fix you."  
She whistled and the Jiggler tried to whistle back, but only makes wet noises.  
"Let's gather her up, Cake," she urgued, walking in the room, "she's all over the place... even between the floorboards!"  
"And the cupboards!  
"And the galoshes!"  
"I wonder… where's her heinie?" Cake asked before looking around and finding it on their phonograph, "Found it! Come here, you!"  
But the heinie jumped away and ran. Hopefully, Cake managed to catch it. Once all gathered, they bringing her back together.

"Come on. Let's put her back together." Fionna said.  
"Ok."  
"Squeeze real hard. She's slipping!"  
"Got her!" Cake assured, hugging her best friend with the Jiggler in between them.  
"Well, at least she's all in one piece," Cake sighed as the creature was merely a globular mass. "sheesh. You think she's dead?  
"No way!" she argued, "I won't let you die, girl! Not this time."  
"Fionna," she called as she was kissing the creature, "stop it, honey. What are you doing?"  
"I'm kissing her! What do you think? It's all I could think to do."  
"Just put her down," she adviced.

Fionna laid her down and the Jiggler made kissing motions with her lips. The Jiggler then stood back on all four and began leaving many different colored kiss-marks on the floor.  
"She's kissing colors with her dying breath," Fionna let out.  
"I think she's trying to tell us something," Cake guessed as the kisses were painting something, "Fionna, this looks like it could be her daddy Jiggler!"  
The picture showed a huge Jiggler. The poor baby crawled up to the image of her father and hugged it, whistling.  
"We took this child away from her daddy, Cake," Fionna realized, "we're kidnappers and murderers! I just wanted to have fun and jiggle!"  
"Look... Chill out, ok?" she reassured her, "we can fix this. Check it out, her dad looks like he's out by Stacy's house... where we found the Jiggler. If we get her back to him, he 'll be able to fix her up!"  
"Then there's no time to spare," she nodded, picking up the Jiggler.

Both girls rushed to the Grass Lands,, near where they found the Jiggler.  
"Shhh," Fionna whispered to the Jiggler, "Just hold on a little longer, girl."  
"Did you hear that?" Cake asked as she heard a sound in the distance, "whistling!"  
The noise led them to a cavity in the trees where they found a big Jiggler in a crater, washing five other babies.  
Meanwhile, a snail was waving, unnoticed.  
"Perpendicular! It's the daddy!" Fionna exclaimed as the Jiggler stretched towards them and whistled pathetically.  
"Look! The cuttie wants to go home!" Cake noticed.  
"Well" she said, putted her down, "this is it, honey."  
"Be well," Cake waved at her.

As the Jiggler walked to daddy Jiggler and he sniffed her, he went into a rage, screeching and changing colors.  
"Hey! Stop that!" Fionna yelled, fending off daddy Jiggler and carrying the Jiggler to safety.  
"I don't understand. That crazy daddy almost killed her."  
"She feels cold," Cake noticed.  
"What are we supposed to do now, sis?" Fionna wondered, "we can't bring her home, or she'll... or she'll…"  
She teared up and the Jiggler deflated a little.  
"Dang it!" she swore, "why doesn't he love her? I love her! You love her! It's not fair! Ahhhh!"

"Fionna, wait!" Cake tried as the human was running towards the daddy with the Jiggler in her arms.  
He went into a rage again and attacked her.  
"Daddy's supposed to love baby! He 's supposed to love baby!" Fionna explained to the big Jiggler.  
"Huh?" Cake noticed the other babies floating in the pool of gray juice, sniffing the air then herself,  
"Oh, man!"  
"It's yours, idiot!" Fionna yelled as she jumped up on top of daddy Jiggler's head and held the Jiggler up close to his face, "Don't you recognize your own baby?"

"Fionna!" Cake called as she stretched her arms to grab Fionna and pull her back, "I figured it out, honey. It's the juice. The Jiggler needs to smell like her daddy's juice. That's how wild animals know what's going on... and this cutie right here is all drained out. We gotta toss it in the soup, sister."  
"Alright. Ok," she agreed then turned to the Jiggler, "I loved you, baby. I hope you know that. Word to your fatheeeerrrrr!"  
She tossed her. The Jiggler flew through the air and landed in the pool of juice, she then looked normal and began to whistle. Daddy Jiggler picked her up and sniffed her, then held her against his cheek and they both whistled.  
"Awww…" Fionna melted, "I'll never kidnap again."  
"You said it! That was a nightmare," Cake agreed.

They both stayed a while longer to watch the loving family back together and then went back home.  
THE END


	7. Maorta the Heart Lady

Once upon a time, the Ice Queen was trying to kidnap Prince Gumball for the countless time, flying towards her castle.  
"Hey, fart-face!" Fionna the Human, down below, insulted her, "unhand Prince Gumball!"  
"Foolish interlopers!" she said before firing ice magic at her and Cake the Cat. "Zah!"  
Both girls dodged her attack.  
"Ee hee hee hee-" she laughed before getting hit,"OOH! MY EYESIGHT!"  
Cake made good use of her blindness by forming her posterior into Prince Gumball's shape while Fionna put two rocks on it, representing his eyes. She then replaced Prince Gumball with her posterior without the Ice Queen noticing.  
"Huh? Hee hee hee!" the prince giggled, back to safety.  
"Hey, Ice Queen! I bet you'll never kiss the Prince!" Fionna dared her.  
"I will kiss him! I will!" she promised, taking her crone off, "hold still. Mwah!"  
"You just kissed Cake's butt!" Fionna laughed once her lips had reached a cheek.  
"What?!" she realized as the cat's butt reformed, "EEEEGH!The hour is yours, but the day shall be mine! Just like you, Prince—MINE!"

"What a patoot," the prince said before turning to his heroes, "thanks for saving the day yet again, girls."  
"You're welcome, Prince," she thanked him, hugging him tight, blushing as she felt Cake's gaze on them.  
"I'm gonna throw you two a party. Meet at the Candy Kingdom—TONIGHT!" he invited them, smiling.

Night had fallen upon the kingdom and Fionna and Cake were heading towards the castle through the Cotton Candy Forest.  
"That paper crane for Prince Gumball?" Cake asked, seeing the little present Fionna had brought.  
"I just thought I'd bring him a gift... in return for throwing us the party," she explained, looking at her creation.  
"Heh," Cake thought, "I bet you wish you were my butt."  
"What?" she wondered  
"'I bet you wish you were my butt, because then the Prince would... No, wait…" she started over, "I bet you wish you were the Ice Queen and the Prince was my butt!"  
"What?!"  
"Hmm…" she thought before snapping, "OH! I bet you wish Gumball would kiss you, too! Like the Ice Queen and my butt! Hahahaha!"  
"That's ridiculous!" she argued before imagining the prince kissing her, feeling butterflies in her stomach and blushing and hearing her friend laughed at her reaction, What's so funny?"

"Hey, everybody," Butterscotch Butler called as she saw the heroes, "Fionna and Cake are here."  
"Who's ready to party?!" Cake asked.  
But no one answered, focused on and gathered around something else. Fionna and Cake confusedly looked at each other.  
"What's everyone laughing at?" Fionna wondered, stepping into the cercle.  
"Shh!" Wildberry Prince asked.  
"Stand back, everyone," she heard a quite interesting voice said, "this style of massage is called, "Best Friend Massage."

"Oh, glob…" Lumpy Space Prince mumbled as a shaped like heart girl was massaging his back.  
"Because it can only be done for friends. It is completely consensual," she explained.  
"Oh, for the love of glob…" he moaned.  
"Relax yourself now, Lumpy Space Prince…" she advised before backfliping and pounding him YAH!"  
"Oh! I feel delightful!" the prince confessed.

"Who is that girl?" Fionna asked as the heart laughed.  
Cake only shrugged before a fanfare was heard and Prince Gumball entered.  
"Greetings, party-goers!" he said, "glad you could all make it!"  
"Prince Gumball!" Fionna greeted him as the unknown person seemed to start "beating" hard, "prince. I just wanted to thank you for—"  
"Oh, my glob!" LSP cut out, "your highness, you ought to encounter this charming lady. You shall be found of her."

The princes then left the heroes for the stranger.  
"'Tis," the handsome prince started before hesitation, "oh glob, you did not even inform me of your title, lady."  
"Maorta. Maorta at your service. I've been waiting all evening to meet you, Prince," she introduced herself, asking him to kiss her hand, which he did as Fionna got irritated, "I've heard you appreciate ancient technology. Have you ever used the balbaflonic laser to align the hybernotalist rift in the bubaflon plasmodial formation?"  
"Whoa! No, I haven't!" he realized as the music started up, "wanna continue this conversation on the dance floor?"  
"It would be my pleasure, Prince," she exited with him.  
Meanwhile a snail was waving, unnoticed.

"Why didn't the Prince invite me to dance?" Fionna whimpered.  
"If you wanna dance, just go dance!" Cake advised her.  
"But now he's dancing with her! Ah... I feel... weird!" she confessed, caressing her stomach.  
"Huh, it sounds like you're dealing with some new emotions you don't understand... like jealousy," she guessed and cut her off before she could argued, "look, honey, just go out there and get down!"

Pushed by the best friend, Fionna heard the prince's conversation with the heart.  
"—transmordial layers completely independent of the babylons. Eh?" she told Gumball.  
"Wow! That would mean that the babylons would fluctuate with the piranha-nanosphere!"  
"Correct!" she complimented him.

"Agh!" Fionna groaned, back to Cake,"they're talkin' about science, sis! I can't compete with that!"  
"Do the Science Dance!" she urged her, "remember it? It was sorta like unh we ah eeh…"  
"You think that'll work?" she wondered.  
"Yeah! Probably," she assured her, pushing her back onto the dance floor, "do it, honey! You're a pro!"

"Science Dance! Science Dance!" Fionna said as she danced awkwardly.  
" —lower proximities to—" Maorta was saying.  
"Science Dance!" the human came along, "hey, eh, Prince! You wanna spend some time with me?"  
"Excuse me, Prince. You must excuse me," the heart asked as she left the prince with the heroine.  
"Oh, uh... Alright!" he replied before turning to his friend, "Fionna, what the cabbage? I was learning about Zanoits!"  
"Oh... I'm... into Zanoits!" she lied, "th-They're the best!"  
"Zanoits kill hundreds of thousands of Plantoids a year," Gumball frowned.  
"Oh, no, not the Plantoids!"  
"Plantoids produce mellotoxin!" he continued under Fionna clueless look, "Mellotoxin kills Zanoits!"  
"...So are Zanoits... good things?" she asked.

"You're totally jealous of Maorta," he said, changing subject.  
"No, I'm not," she swore, "I just don't like the way she talks to you. It makes me feel weird."  
"That's jealousy, babe," he stated.  
"I'm not jealous! I'M WEIRD!" she yelled as everyone turned towards her.  
"Woof! Girl... this is goin' bad," Cake thought before turning to her best friend, "hey, Fionna. You gotta come help me slay these peanut monsters at the bar. It can't wait."

Once away from the crowd, Cake seemed worried.  
"Wow, honey, what happened out there?"  
"Agh... I don't know! I was tryin' to warn him, but he twisted my words around and—" she started to explain.  
"Yeah," she agreed, "men are twisty, honey. Gumball's super smart, too."  
"I know! And I can't shake this weird feeling about Maorta. I think she's... a villain," she assured.  
"Why?" Cake wondered, "is it because her face is so foldy and dramatic?"  
"No! I can just feel it in my gut! She's up to something sinister!" she swore.  
"Maybe what you feel is romantic rivalry."  
"I'll prove she's a villain!" she pledged.  
"How?" she asked.  
"Stakeout."

Cake followed Fionna outside of the castle. They ended up on the roof where Fionna was looking through binoculars.  
"Here she comes!" she exclaimed, viewing Maorta and Prince Gumball, "they're talking!"  
"Lemme see," Cake asked, taking the binoculars, "I can read their lips. 'Hey, shorty, you should pick your boogers and then fart!' 'You look kind of like a big pink baguette!'"  
"Get serious, Cake!" she urged her, taking back the binoculars, "this is life and death!"

"Is it?" the cat retorted, "don't get me wrong. I'm all about stakeouts and spying on this girl, but what if she's not a villain? What if she just looks wicked? Some people look wicked but are super nice."  
"I gotta trust my gut!"  
"Hmm," Cake said, grabbing her own guts.  
"She's on the move! Let's roll!" she shouted, following the heart from up there, swinging onto a Guardian of the Royal Promise, "I see her. She's holding rope and going into the trash. She's smashing bottles—and pretending to stab someone!"  
"So... she's recycling... or what?" Cake guessed.  
"I think your gut's a little naive, Cake. Holy moly! She's... she's with the Ice Queen! They're shouting something! Maorta is tossing her in the dumpster and running away!"  
"So I was right!" Cake conceded, "she is a good girl who's just cursed to look suspicious! You and me, gut! together forever! Solvin' crimes and makin' up rhymes!"  
"No way," she argued, "this proves she's a mega-super-villain! More powerful than usual villains like the Ice Queen! Then it's settled! We're gonna confront Maorta face-to-face and prove she's evil!"  
"Or good!" Cake added.

They fell down the street, waiting for the wicked or humble heart.  
"So what're you doin', Maorta?" Fionna asked, "are you evil?"  
"Or nice with an evil face?" Cake added  
"That's none of your business," she replied, darkly.  
"The safety of Prince Gumball is my business!"  
"Yeah, we just wanna know if you're evil or not."  
"Oh, yeah?" she asked.  
"Yeah," they answered.  
"Oh, yeah?"  
"Yeah. Yes!"

"You stay away from Prince Gumball with all that stuff!" Fionna warned her.  
"Now that my plan is nearly complete, there is no way you could stop me," she declared.  
"I could stop you if I wanted!"  
"Oh, yeah?"  
"Yeah!"  
"Oh, yeah?"  
"YEEEAAAH!" she yelled as she punched Maorta, knocking her down before Prince Gumball's eyes.

"What's going on here?" he gasped.  
"Prince?!" Fionna realizied  
"Maorta?!" Gumball shouted, kneeling to her.  
"Yes…," she said weakly, "I'm alright, Prince."  
"Fionna... why'd you do it?"  
"She was gonna hurt you with those ropes and bottles!"  
"These were for our balbaflonic laser," he explained.  
"It's not all her fault, Prince. I might've looked a little threatening," Maorta confessed.  
"Fionna... you shouldn't punch brainiacs. You know how fragile they are! You gotta stop this jealous business."  
"But…" Fionna tried.  
"C'mon, Maorta. I'll patch you up and give you candy," the prince offered as they exited hand-in-hand.  
"He hates me now," she sighed, "I was totally wrong about Maorta."  
"No, Fionna!" the Ice Queen told her, emerging from a dark alleyway, "you were not wrong. She is evil!"

"Ice Queen!" she called as she was collapsing, "what do you know about this? Tell me or I'll do something!"  
"Hold up, Fionna!" Cake, the Queen's former pet, stopped her, "the Ice Queen looks sorta damaged!"  
"I don't care! I only care about Maorta!"  
"But my enervated condition has everything to do with her," she explained, "I was trying to cast a spell that would give me total control of Prince Gumball's heart! ...But I messed it all up... and lost control of mine. She planned to rip out Prince Gumball's heart... to make it her husband. But I made my way to the Candy Kingdom to look for her. In an alleyway, I begged her to return to me and leave the Prince alone. But she threw me in the dumpster and left me for dead. Stop Maorta!"  
"Agh! Come on, Cake!" Fionna called, leaving the Queen where she laid, "Gotta save the Prince!"

"Prince Gumball!" the adventurers yelled, smashing their way into the castle only to meet the prince tied up with rope and Maorta, next him, with a broken glass bottle.  
"Fionna! Cake!" he called for help.  
"You were right all along, Fionna!" the heart admitted, "now I'm going to cut out Prince Gumball's heart and make out with it!"  
"Not if I can help it!" she swore before chasing after the wicked person.

They ran, to and away from each other but in the end, Maorta ended up next to Gumball again.  
"One step closer and I'll remove his heart!" she pledged.  
"Fionna!" he called, "I feel like a big idiot for doubting you!She was just so engaging! ...But her knowledge on plantoids is actually pretty weak."  
"Shut your mouth up, Prince!" the heart commanded before being knocked down by Cake who stretched her face at her, "I'm gonna smooch that heart! It will be my husband!"  
"Why don't you marry someone your own size?! Like my foot?!" Fionna replied, jumping down to kick her.  
"And my fist?!" she yelled, pushing her twice.

"Stop! Stop it!" the Ice Queen crawled to the room, "that's my heart, you piece of—"  
"Ice Queen," she called, seeing the old woman going towards her heart weakly, "should we... let her take her heart back? She is... villainous…"  
"I don't wanna watch an old woman die on Prince Gumball's carpet, honey," Cake confessed.  
"Oh, yeah…" she agreed.  
"Wait! Wait! No!" her heart disagreed.  
"Come to mommy…"  
"Noooooooooo!"

"Yeah, there you go…" she mumbles, putting her back in her chest, "Like that? Huh?"  
"Seeee you guys laterrrr…" Maorta promised before being sunk into the Queen.  
"I feel wonderful! Hahaha!" she exclaimed, all better now, "and now that I've saved the Prince, he'll marry me and live in my dungeon every day!"  
"No, he won't!" Fionna replied  
"Yeah, no, I won't!" Prince Gumball agreed.  
"Yes you WILL!" she swore as she charged up her ice magic before Fionna kicked her, making her retreat, "well... maybe not today... or tomorrow... but another day! Another day" she promised, darkly.

To thank his saviors, Gumball asked them to join him for dinner, to eat spaghetti.  
"Thanks again for saving me... again," Gumball said.  
"Don't mention it," Fionna muffled, mouth full of pasta.  
"Now that Maorta's gone, you don't have to be jealous of anyone anymore," he winked at her.  
"I never get jealous," she argued.  
"Kiss me, Fionna," he asked charmingly as Fionna blushed before turning to him.

As she did, she saw him doing a hand-stand and wearing a Cake mask on his posterior.  
"Ahem," he said using a higher pitch, "I mean... kiss me, Fionna."  
He then whispered to Cake, with his usual voice:  
"Am I doing it right, Cake?"  
Cake chucked as her best friend was mortified.  
THE END


	8. Business Time

Once upon a time near the Iceberg Lake, Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat where playing with a flamethrower and a flambit, a cute creature belonging to the Flame Kingdom. The blonde girl was laughing as the icebergs melted, exposing several objects inside.  
"I found another bike and more computers. What do you got?" she asked Cake.  
"I keep finding baby shoes!," she replied, disappointed before melting more ice,"WHAT THE HECK, MAN?! And they're all lefties! Sorry I'm not finding any loot."  
"Keep it together, cutie," she reassured her, "because I think we found enough scrap to finish building our gauntlet dock; a dock that is also a gauntlet."  
"Aww. Building this gauntlet dock is hard, honey," she argued, "hard work sucks."  
"Don't be lazy, Cake," she urged her, "Huh?"

They suddenly heard a noise coming from the lake as a big iceberg came towards the beach.  
"Incoming iceberg!" Cake warned her.  
"Whoa! That one's huge!" she realized.  
"I got dibs! Ooo. I hope it's not baby shoes," the cat wished.

As the iceberg landed, she wiped the surface of the ice, it revealed human shaped people stuck inside. They look normal, except from their weird pale skin color and the boils all around their bodies.  
"It's a girl," she said.  
"Creepy," Fionna complained, "it's a buncha girls."  
"You know what they remind me of?" she asked, looking at their formal attire, "well-dressed pickles."  
"Stand back, Cake!" she advised, "I'm gonna melt 'em outta there! Full charge."  
She blasted a huge flame out of her flamethrower as Cake ran up to stop her.  
"Whoa, don't roast 'em, honey," she shouted, taking the machine, "you gotta flambé."  
Cake gently brushed the flame across the iceberg and it soon melted.  
"Ah. Perfecto. Bon appetit."

"Hey!" Fionna called the girls, "can you hear me? Hello?"  
"I don't think they made it," Cake confessed, knocking on one of their heads.  
"Hey," she noticed a briefcase and reached for it, "this one's got some kind of pack."  
As one of them came to life and pushed Fionna away, she screamed.  
"I remember... business," a red-jacket woman said.  
"Let go! Let go! Let go!" the human begged.  
"We... are Business Women," she then explained.  
"Oooh... Well, I'm Fionna and she's Cake," Fionna introduced themselves.  
"What kind of business do you do?" Cake wondered.  
"Been frozen... so long, I…" she tried as hers and every businesswoman heads shake, as if in pain, "can't remember! Oh. Looking for help, your business? We love work for you."  
"Nah. Adventurers don't need any help," Fionna said.  
"Yes!" Cake disagreed, "help us fix that dock."  
"Dock-ka?" she tried to repeat harshly.  
"Yeah! Right over there."

She pointed out the gauntlet dock they were trying to build for so long but still was not looking like anything they wanted or could made used of.  
"Yes. This dock-ka... could be more... efficient," the woman agreed.  
"No! Wait!" Fionna tried to stop them.  
The businesswomen reeled back and murmured as if frightened.  
"Cake," she called, "this dock is our fun pie. We should be the ones to bake it."  
"But they're begging for it, Fionna. Just look at 'em," she told her as they looked indeed quite exciting to help, some even drooling.  
"Build dock. Build dock," they chanted.  
"Fionna. These poor souls are lost without jobs," she explained, "we can't ignore their plight."  
"Uhh…" she hesitated  
"Go on girls, fix it up!" she urged them.  
The businesswomen murmured excitedly as they ran over to the dock and began building.  
Meanwhile a snail was waving, unnoticed.

"Well... they do seem really happy to do it," Fionna had to admit.  
"Of course, honey. They said they "love work for you."  
"Uhh... We finish," the businesswomen said in unison a few seconds later.  
"Whoa!," Fionna exclaimed as the gantlet dock was complete, with its ax, scissors and flame circle.  
"Told ya so."  
"Come on! Let's try it out!" she begged.  
Fionna and Cake then ran through the gauntlet dock, avoiding the traps and obstacles, while Fionna screamed excitedly. The blonde human ended up in the water while Cake had shrunk to fit on top of her head, both laughing though quite wounded.

"See?" Cake asked, panting, "if we hire them full time, they'll be back in business and we'll be able to focus on fun stuff. Everybody wins!"  
"Maybe you're right," she conceded.  
"You hear that, girls?" she told the businesswoman, "maybe I'm right!"  
"Really? Job? With... ad-ven-tur-ers?" the red-jacket girl asked.  
"Yeah, girlz!"  
The businessmen cheered and danced as the red-jacket business woman threw down her briefcase and chiseled "Fiona & Cake Adventuring Incorporated" into the side.

Back at their Tree Fort, the businesswomen did everything from cleaning weapons to ironing socks and shining shoes. Their boss would do nothing, barely playing video games.  
"Feels weird doing nothing," Fionna admitted.  
"Relax, honey. This is your day off," Cake reassured her.  
"Help! Somebody help!" a voice was suddenly heard in the distance.  
"Trouble, honey! Get your ax!" she advised the cat, running to get her stuff, " I'll get my... wha?"  
"Adventure pack... ready for you," the red-jacket business woman handed her her backpack, already made.  
"Hey, thanks girl," she said, taking it before rushing to the action.

They went to the Grass Lands, where the voice was coming from, weapons in hand.  
"I have to say, Cake. My sword is totally shiny and stinkin' sharp!" Fionna admitted, "even my shoes feel different. Not only are they clean, I feel radder, faster, more... adequate."  
"Cool!" her best friend replied as their employees where running behind, writing notes.  
They suddenly noticed a battle cube chasing Hot Dog Prince inside its tiny Kingdom that was just a parcel of grass delimited by fences.

"Help!" he begged, running away from the attack but staying inside his small kingdom.  
"Don't cry, Hot Dog Prince!" the Human reassured him, coming to rescue him "Cake and I will fend off these battle cubes!"  
The businessmen sat off to the side and continued to take notes while eating donuts and drinking coffee. Fionna and Cake began to fight the battle cubes, which were flying around Hot Dog Princess' Kingdom. Soon, as the fight was still drawn, everyone was tired from it and Hot Dog Prince was taking a nap.

"Man. I'm getting tired," Fionna confessed.  
"Me too," Cake groaned, "These cubes are... flipin' resilient. Hey, business girls! Hold off these cubes so we can catch our breath?"  
"Cake!" she yelled, "they don't know how to fight."  
The businesswomen ran over, wearing armor and wielding weapons and began fighting the battle cubes while Fionna and Cake rested.  
"Water, the red-jacket business woman offered, before running back into battle "orange slices. Help rehydrate."  
"These ladies are great, right?" Cake asked  
"I gotta admit... they are helping," she said, surprised, "Oh! I think I figured out how to defeat the battle cubes!"  
"That's 'cause you had time to rest your body and refresh your brain," the cat explained.

"Ok! We'll take it from here, guys!" Fionna told her employees.  
"Yeah! Good work."  
Fionna and Cake ran towards the battle cubes and Cake roared and grew large.  
"Grab all the cubes together!" the human told her.  
Cake stretched her hands to become giant and clasped them together, grabbing all the cubes.  
"Got 'em!"  
Fionna grunted and jumped into Cake's hands with a rope and tied all the battle cubes together into a single, large cube.  
"It worked!" the blond girl exclaimed as Cake threw the cubes off into the distances.  
"Wake up, Hot Dog Prince," she called, "you're free."

"Oh! Thank you, Fionna and Cake! Especially you, Fionna," he said winking before standing on his hind legs and puckered his lips, as if to give Fionna a kiss.  
"Ugh," she whispered to Cake as she reared back, disgusted, "he smells like old hot dog water."  
The cat giggled and the red-jacket business woman ran in between Fionna and Hot Dog Prince to take the kiss instead.  
"I take one for team," she whispered to Fionna.  
"This is awesome! You get a promotion, gal," she told her as she cheered and danced.  
"Take one for team, too," another business woman said, before being kissed too, followed by every other employees.

They then went back home to play more games.  
"Oh... Lost again!" Cake noticed.  
"My turn," Fionna said, grabbing the controller.  
Cake walked over to the businesswomen, operating a large collection of wires and monitors.  
"What's that?" she asked, going to the freeze to take out a tub of ice cream.  
"Hero vision monitor," red-jacket business woman said, "use satellite to tell us world problems."  
"Oh, wow. Anything going on?" she wondered  
"Just small things. You save stress for big thing," she replied.  
"Freakin' awesome, girl."

"What are they doing?" Fionna asked as Cake came back.  
"Takin' care of business," she explained, eating a scoop of ice cream.  
"Cake, hit me!," she asked, letting her fling a scoop of ice cream into her mouth.

Time passed, stacking more and more empty ice cream tubs near Fionna and Cake while both of them were getting fatter and fatter.  
"Mission complete," the game said as they cheered and danced, shaking their enormous guts.  
"We beat Adventure Master!" Fionna exclaimed, "we're adventure masters!"  
"Woo! Yes!" Cake shouted, both tired and ended their celebration to take a breath.  
"I never knew being fat and lazy was so rewarding," Fionna admitted.  
"Yeah," Cake agreed, pushing around her best friend,'s gut, "you're gut's so huge and moldable. Hold on a sec!"  
"Honey, that tickles," Fionna laughed as Cake manipulated Fionna's gut to look like the Ice Queen.

"I'm the Ice Queen," she said with her voice, "and I'll never find a husband because I'm such a tool."  
"Alright, let me try," she asked, manipulating her own gut to look like Prince Gumball.  
"I'm Prince Gumball and I'm a dork," she said with his voice, "because I like science! I've also got a really annoying voice that Fionna thinks is attractive!"  
"That's a- Hey, what'd you say?" she chuckled.

"Ahh! Oh, glob! Take your leave. I simply verbalized your hideousness, which is no fallacy. One shall assist me, I beg of them." they heard Lumpy Space Prince asked through the hero vision monitor, running from a Swamp Giant.  
"Man," Cake admitted, "I am not in the mood for saving Lumpy Space Prince."  
"Hey, business ladies!" Fionna called as they entered the room from various directions, "what do you guys think?"  
"Hmm…" the red-jacket business woman pondered, "just one monster. We do."  
"Right," Cake said, seeing them running off, "we'll just save our strength for the big adventures, then."  
Fionna and Cake sat back down on their couch and relaxed.  
"Ahh. Nice call, honey," Cake admitted.  
"Imagine how awesome the adventure's going to be when it's time for us to go out there," Fionna pictured.  
"I'm too tired to imagine stuff, but I bet you're right."  
"To being great adventurers!" both exclaimed, both grabbing a tub of ice cream and toasting with them.

Time passed as they emptied tubs and ice cream was all over their faces. They were even fatter, and Fionna's gut was now visible outside her shirt.  
Both groaned and waivered until they felt over.  
"Help us!" the human heard from the distance.  
"Huh?" Fionna realized "Cake! Did you hear that?"  
"Yeah," the cat confessed, "let the businesswomen handle it."  
"Help! Please!" the voice repeated.  
"I heard it again."  
"Businesswomen, honey," she said once more.  
"Heeeeeelp!"

Fionna walked over to the window and gasped, seeing the businesswomen in a large robot, sucking up small cotton like people into a container.  
"Cake!" she called her, "we messed up! The businesswomen have gone bat-crazy, honey!"  
"Honey, just let the businesswomen handle it," she advised, still lying on the floor.  
"THE BUSINESSWOMEN ARE THE PROBLEM, you lazy plug-hole!" she snapped.  
"Huh?" the cat opened her eyes, surprised.  
"Girls!" she yelled out the window.

Fionna began to climb out the window and down to the bottom of the Tree Fort.  
"Girls, stop it!" she begged, running up to the businesswomen's robot, "stop it, girls!"  
"Stop what, boss?" the red-jacket business woman asked.  
"You're jacking up those Fuzzy Friends!"  
"But... We're being heroes," she replied, confused, "like you, boss. We're protecting them. Collecting them in our care-sack so they cannot be hurt. It's the most efficient way to save people."  
"But you're making them unhappy!" she shouted.  
"Irrelevant! These people are in our care-sack. Their happiness is not priority," she stated.  
"I am your boss! And you guys are all fired!" she decided as the businesswomen began to murmur to each other.  
" Fi-red?" they asked.

The businessmen shouted angrily and started sucking up the Fuzzy Friends even faster than before. They moved their robot and it crushed one of the Fuzzy Friends.  
"Nooo!" Fionna screamed, "alright, guys. Now I've gotta take you down... Fionna style."  
Fionna ran over to kick their robot but got sucked up into the care-sack in an instant.  
"I'm kicking your care-sack, ladies!" she warned, locked in.

"Fionna?" Cake called, squeezing her enormous gut out the window "Whoa... Crud. I'm comin' honey!"  
She flopped onto the ground, still holding a tub of ice cream.  
"Ahh. I'm so fat, honey; I don't know what to do."  
"That's it!" she gasped "Cake! Demoralize them!"  
"What? Why?"  
" Do it, sis! I have a legit plan!" she promised.  
"Ok, Alright," she agreed before turning to their former employees, "hey! You girls are horrible at business!"

The businesswomen lashed about angrily and try to sucked Cake up into their care-sack, but she was too fat to fit.  
"Huh?" she realized, "they're sucking me up, honey!"  
"Now, eat that ice cream some more to become fatter, while also using your Stretchy Powers to grow huge!" she asked of her.  
Cake chew down on the ice cream and started getting bigger. She lifted her head up for a second before using her Stretchy Powers as she got pulled into the robot.  
"This sucks," she said.  
"Yeah, honey! Keep growin'!" Fionna shouted, "you're breaking apart their robot!"  
The robot began to shake violently as the businesswomen screamed. The robot exploded and Fionna, Cake and the businessmen went flying into the air.  
"I'm going to kill you, not-boss!" the red-jacket business woman yelled, attempting to grab Fionna.  
"Wait, girl! Wait! I wanna re-hire you guys!" she offered.  
"Re-hire? Really?" she wondered.  
"Yeah, girlz," she promised.  
As they all fell back to the ground, the businesswomen and Fionna grasped hands and formed a five-point star.

Back to a beach, Fionna, Cake and the Fuzzy Friends were waving towards the water.  
"Yay! Hip-hip hooray! Pancakes!" the Fuzzy Friends were screaming as the businesswomen were once again frozen in an iceberg and floated back out to the middle of the lake.  
"So, wait... What'd you hire them to do?" Cake wondered  
"I hired them to stuff themselves in that iceberg and get outta here," she explained.  
"I'm gonna miss 'em," she sighed, "and I'm gonna miss this gut."  
"I'm gonna miss my gut too," she laughed, watching Cake using her Stretchy Powers to return to her normal size.

Fionna strained and attempted to suck in her gut, in vain. As for the businesswomen, no one ever heard from them again.  
THE END


	9. My Two Favorite People

Once upon a time, Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat were fighting Shark and Science Dog in front of their house.  
"Shaggy dog!" Cake called her, "Come here!"  
The Science Dog threw a potion on her that turned Cake into a butterfly.  
"Hey!" she groaned, being chased by her, "help!"  
"Don't worry! Her spells never last long," Fionna reassured her, on top of the shark before jumping on the dog.  
"Who are these guys? This is a great fight!" Cake admitted.  
"Yeah! You never fought them?" she wondered, fighting the shark back, "they come out every day at four o'clock on the dot."  
"I guess that's because I meet Lord Monochromicorn every day at four o'clock on the dot," she guessed, reverting to her normal self before realizing, "oh shoot! I'm late!"  
"You should stay, honey," she adviced, "at five o'clock every day, I chop both their heads off, and they grow them back for the next day."  
"Aw, girl, that sounds awesome!" she said, picking up her bicycle, taking a orange and her viola, "I do want to stay and fight those guys, but I also want to hang out with my boyfriend."  
"Boo!" Fionna complained.  
"I should probably go," she sighed, "I'll see ya later, sis."  
"Bye", the blonde human told her as she rode off, resuming her fight.

Cake rode up to Lord Monochromicorn's house and climbed up onto the roof with Lord Monochromicorn who was waiting for her.  
"Sorry! Sorry I'm late," she apologized, her orange and violin with her, "Fionna and I were fighting this shark and science dog, and I lost track of time. Anyway, I'm here now, my lord, and I have brought to you half an orange."  
They both ate half the fruit.  
"T-H-A-N-K-S," he said in Morse language before a beam from his horn hit a tree, turning it gray.  
"Nice! Now make that white!" she pointed at the river as the unicorn was doing as she asked, "ha ha ha! Yeah, that's good."

"I-L-L G-O T-O S-L-E-E-P," he then warned her.  
"Sleep!" she wondered, "but we were supposed to play viola together!"  
"S-O-R-R-Y" he apologized, kissing her forehead, "Y-O-U W-E-R-E L-A-T-E."  
"Yeah," she sighed, "sorry again for coming so late."  
"N-I-G-H-T," he told her, walking away.

Then, Cake rode home on a path through a forest on her bike with her viola in the basket.  
"Hi Cake," a worm said, popping out of the instrument.  
"Oh, hey, Shela," the cat greeted her.  
"Why you looking so down in the dumps?" she noticed as Cake made a deflating noise, "No response, huh? Guess you're good."  
"I'm fed up, Shela!" she admitted.  
"Hmm?" she wondered  
"Whenever I hang out with Lord Monochromicorn, I miss out on fun times with Fionna," she explained as she was using hand gestures to add emphasis, so she kept swerving, "and then when I hang out with Fionna, I'm missin' out on Lord Monochromicorn!"  
She lifted her hands in the air and he crashed into a tree.  
"Hey, Cake, why don't you just hang out with both of them at the same time?" she asked.  
"And then I won't miss anything!" she realized, "Shela! My problems are solved."

Cake had then the best idea ever: a picnic with her two favorite people by the flames!  
"Ah, isn't this great? This is totally great. Isn't it?" she asked, between them.  
They both agreed, the unicorn morsing it.  
"What? What did he say?" Fionna asked.  
"He said he also thinks it's great," she translated.  
"Hmm…" the cat thought to break the akward silence, crawling up in front of them, "hey, did you know that you both have an awesome sense of humor?"

"We do?" Fionna asked.  
"Yeah! Anybody have a joke?" she wondered.  
"Oh, I have a joke!" Fionna laughed, "Okay: Knock knock."  
"W-H-O-S T-H-E-R-E ?" Lord Monochromicorn asked.  
"He said, "who's there?""  
"Diarrhea!" she exclaimed.  
"W-H-A-T I-S T-H-A-T? I-T I-S N-O-T A J-O-K-E," he confessed before drinking.  
"Did he say diarrhea who?" she wondered.  
"Uh, no. No, he didn't say, 'diarrhea who?' He didn't…," she pondered, "say it. Lord, how 'bout you tell a joke?"

He thought a little before stomping and scratching.  
"Y-O-U R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R W-H-E-N W-E G-O-T N-A-K-E-D A-N-D R-U-N-K A-R-O-U-N-D T-H-E F-A-R-M?"  
They both giggled at the memory and the farmer,'s face that day.  
"What's the joke?" the girl wondered.  
"Uhh... well, the joke doesn't translate very well," she lied.  
"Honey, I- I might leave. Is it okay if I leave? I kind of want to go fight something," she confessed.  
"Noooo! Don't leave," she stopped her, "if there was only some way you two could talk to each other directly… Oh, honey! I just remembered! There's a universal translator device at the bottom of Lake Szelezon!"  
"The lake guarded by evil Lake Knights?" Fionna remembered.  
"Yeah, I can't remember why I threw it in there," she admitted, "let's all go and get it!"  
"Whoa, Cake" she whispered to her, taking her apart, "You're inviting Monochromicorn? No offense, but isn't he a little too unexperimented for deadly adventure?"  
"Trust me, Fionna, he's the Rowdy King. He can do anything!"  
" Hmmm. Alright!" she agreed, showing her fist "trust pound!"

Fionna rode Cake to make the journey as Lord flew beside them. They got to the lake and Lord turned them white with his horn.  
"Underwater camouflage!" Fionna giggled.  
Meanwhile a snail was waving, unnoticed.  
They swam down into the lake. Fionna pointed towards a group of lake knights rushing towards them. Fionna fended off a few and Cake grabbed a bunch and punched them. Lord attacked a few as Fionna was strangling one knight when she noticed the treasure at the bottom of the lake. She threw aside the dead lake knight and swam towards it. She grabbed the translator and gave a thumbs up to Cake and Lord. Cake was giving a thumbs up back when the lake started rumbling. Fionna was shocked as knights began surrounding her from the crevasse surrounding the treasure. They overcame Fionna as Cake got distracted by a couple while Lord swam down and knocked them away from Fionna by spinning around. Fionna rode Lady past Cake and out of the lake. They shouted in victory as Cake came out along.

"Lord! You are incredible!" Fionna admitted, "you should adventure with us all the time!"  
"All according to plan," Cake chuckles to herself.  
"T-H-A-N-K-S I-T W-A-S F-U-N."  
"Uhhh, what?" she wondered.  
"Here's the translator," Cake brought the gadget, putting it on Lord's forehead, going through the options, "The voice options are... Old woman, nerdy alien, ooor nightmare? Try sayin' something toots!"  
Turned to nightmare, Lord only made scratchy noises. She changed it to old woman  
"-and then I ate all the peaches in the orchard, and that farmer was sooo angry!"  
"I like this voice!" Fionna laughed  
Trying nerdy alien, Lord made some gurgley, indistinguishable noises.  
"-and that's the end of my story." Lord finished, back to old woman.

"Well," she sighed, "at least with old woman option we can understand her, I MEAN HIM! I mean you babe!"  
"Hop on my back," he offered, "and I'll give you a ride home!"  
"Whatever you say grandma!" Fionna teased, riding him, "Hai-yah!"  
"Come on darling," he said to his girlfriend, "wrap your legs around me."  
"I remember why I drowned that translator now," she sighed, annoyed.

"Hey grandma, how are you able to fly if you don't have wings?" Fionna asked, high in the sky.  
"Well, darkness travels from the universe. Then bounces off of our planet and then back into our eyes so we can perceive shadows," he explained as Cake was being bounced around, "my body can intercept that darkness and dance around on it." Cake is sliding off of her  
"Lord! It's a little rocky in the back seat here!" Cake confessed, sliding off of him.  
"Shmow!" Fionna laughed before seeing something down below, "that forest wizard is giving away free power rings!"  
"Do you wanna try gettin' some Fionna?" Lord asked.  
"Yeahs!" she exclaimed as he dove down towards the clearing.

"Loooord," Cake screamed, flying off his tail, before turning into a flat hang-glider-like object, "Fiiiionnnnaaaaa,Loooord! Fionaaaaaaaaaaa! Lord!"  
She ended up in the forest, alone.  
"Lord! Fionna!" she called,getting bigger and bigger, "y'all around here? Dang it!"  
Listening closely, she could hear her best friend and her boyfriend.

Both were cheering from the wizard  
"Whoa! Did you see that!? This is like the funnest thing ever!" the human yelled, seeing the magic tricks.  
"There you are!" Cake shouted, bursting through the trees, scaring everyone else away, "Where were you guys?"  
"Wait a minute, you didn't fly down with us?" Fionna realized as she shrunk back.  
"We thought you were behind us the whole time!" Lord confessed.  
"Noooo!" she snapped, sobbing, "I fell off your tail end! I was shouting your name!"  
"Ooh! Sweetheart, we probably couldn't heard you because of the cloud density," he apologized, seeing his girlfriend both sad and mad.

"Cake!" Fionna called, "check out these power rings!"  
The rings each expelled some sort of magical display.  
"That's cool!" she said as the blonde human was showing off their powers, "you got ten of them?"  
"Yeah! Lord got some too," she explained as the unicorn showed his.  
"Uh, You want one of mine?" she asked her best friend, "I've got so many."  
"Yeah! Thanks honey!"  
"Oh. Wait," she said as she tried in vain to give one to her, "I can't take them off. I guess they're cursed. Still pretty cool though."  
"Yeah, they're awesome," she mumbled, depressed as the rings shot blue fire.

Back to that house, night had fallen, Cake was sitting on the couch while Lady and Fionna played a racing game. She was drinking tea, watching them both playing.  
"Alright this time I'm gonna destroy you Monochromicorm!" Fionna laughed  
"Oh, okay. That sounds nice," he chuckled as Cake was coming behind him.  
"Oh I got the sword!" Fionna exclaimed.  
"Hey, Lord," Cake called, "you wanna go play music together or somethin'?"  
"Oh, oh. Uh," he hesitated, "I would, but I-I'm in the middle of this game."  
"Oh," she sighed, turning to the other "hey Fionna. After this next game do you wanna go adventurin' with me?"  
"Lord and I are going to a party in the Cloud Kingdom tonight," she confessed, "you should go to that with us.  
"Humph! Humph Humph Humph!" she kept sighing very worried.  
"Cake stop sighing you're messing up my game!" Fionna complained though she did not stop, "Cake! What's goin' on with you!"  
"Mmmm, Nothin'!" she lied.

"Awww dang it!" she cursed as the unicorn won, "man, Lord you're too good at this! Hey, It's time to party with clouds! Cake, you comin'?"  
"No!" she said.  
"Honey," she walked towards her, "I thought you wanted to spend more time with me and Lord together?"  
"I do," she admitted, hurt.  
"Then come on."  
"No YOU go ahead!" she said in a harsh tone, "And YOU have fun with MY boyfriend!"  
"Uhhh…" Fionna wondered, "we're gonna head to the party, but you should meet us there and stop acting weird."  
Fionna walked away along with Lord, leaving Cake sighing.

All nostalgic, Cake went through the picture she kept of her, Fionna and Lord. She then look at their timeless clock, it was 11:50.  
"They should be back by now!" she thought to herself, dialing the Cloud Kingdom.  
"Hello Cloud Kingdom," she heard someone answered.  
"Uh, yes, hello. Um, I'm lookin' for Fionna the Human and Lord Monochromicorn," she asked hearing something being thrown, "hello, can you hear me? Hello."  
"Yeah, they left a while ago," the voice told her.  
"A while ago?!" she asked, bursting a instant later through the front door on her bike, looking around frantically.

She stopped on the hill overlooking Lord's house to find Fionna and him hanging out without her, changing the color of things like she and Lord used to do. Both laughed as a tree lost its colors.  
"Now, same for that! And that," Fionna asked, laughing, "wow Lord! Hanging out with you it the best!"  
"I like you too Fionna," he confessed.  
"Nooo" Cake screamed, falling onto her knees with her arms in the air, oooooo! "My boyfriend... in the arms of my best friend!"  
She got mad, picking up her phone.  
"Well, TWO can play at that game, sweet cheeks!" she said, scrolling through her contacts, "let's see... "Dory, Tori, Jenna, Denise, Reggie, Petunia, Georgie, Laura, Lucy, Davina, Betsy, Mary R., Mary H., Mary A., Margaret, Jenny, Mrs. International, Mrs. Outrageous, Nurse Majesty, The Flying Lettuce Sisters, Anete the Punk... Tiimothy!"

On the roof, both were still laughing.  
"I wish Cake was here having fun with us," Fionna confessed before hearing a viola, "hey, where's that music coming from?"  
"Yeah, yeah, louder," Cake was saying, next to a person with pretty short blond hair.  
"Cake," Lord gasped, "what are you doing?"  
"Oh, hey guys. I'm just sharing a tender moment with my handsome friend Timothy," she explained.  
"Stop!" Fionna urged her, "you're making Lord jealous!"  
"Well I'm trying to make you both jealous!" she confessed.  
"Why would I be jealous of Timothy?" she asked, keepin Lord from interfering.  
"Becaaause, Timothy's a girl!" she declared as her new best friend revealed herself as a pretty and tomboy girl.  
"Cake's MY best friend now! FOREVER!" she laughed evily.  
Fionna snapped, growled and leaped towards Timothy.

"Home wrecker!" she called the short-haired one as she pulled a knife, quickly disarming her. "Cake, what's going on with you?" Lord asked, quite concern.  
"I guess I'm just jealous of how much you and Fionna like each other," she sighed.  
"I'm hanging out with Fionna because you wanted us to get to know each other better," he pointed out.  
"I know," she admitted, lost, "Gaah."  
"Get out of my life Timothy!" Fionna said, on top of her, punching her, "and never come back!"  
"No! Cake will be mine!" she said, kicking her.  
"I'm sorry I'm an idiot sweetheart. Forgive me?" she begged, asking for a hug.  
"Oh babe, I love you BECAUSE you're an idiot," he said, hugging her, "you make me feel like a genius!"  
"You make me feel like I'm huggin' an old woman," she confessed, laughing, "it's time to get rid of this piece of crud."  
She ripped the translator off and threw it onto the ground.

"B-E-T-T-E-R?" he stomped and scratched.  
"Yeah! Waaay better!" she confessed with a hug.

Meanwhile, both best friends were ending their fight, Timothy running away.  
"Beat it Timothy! Go on! Get!" she yelled.  
"You'll never defeat me! I will! Be Cake's best friend! Because I'm Timothyyyy," she shouted, rising her fist before Fionna spit on her head, "Ahhhhhh!"

"I'm sorry I was an idiot," Cake apologized to Fionna, once Timothy was gone, "forgive me?"  
"Shut up sis, I don't wanna hear that stuff," she confessed, stepping into the circle made by Lord, "Lemme get in there."  
"Let's never be stupid again," she pledged  
"Wait! Let's always be stupid! Forever!," Fionna promised as she knew they had decades of stupidity waiting for them.  
THE END


	10. Memories of Boum-Boum Mountain

Once upon a time, in Marauder Village, where fighting was tradition, Fionna the Human was facing the Head Marauder, a strong blond woman.  
"You're not too bad for a human girl!" she complimented her, as the adventurer was grabbing her helmet to block her.  
"Not too bad!? I'm better than that!" she replied before hearing someone sobbing and throwing away her opponent "Cake! Do you hear that?"  
"What'd you say?" the cat asked, riding a bucking half-stag half-marauder, before getting tossed and then kicked over to Fionna, "Whoa!"  
"I think someone's crying," she explained before the Head Marauder jumped at her, "Stop!"  
She knocked her off, not amused.  
"This is serious! I gotta go find out where that crying is coming from!" she said as she walked away.

"Get back here you're chickeeeeen," she insulted her.  
"What did you call me?" Fionna asked, turning back.  
"You can't just walk away from a roughhouse!" she informed her.  
"Hey!" the human jumped on a table, "listen up you cold-hearted marauders! Someone's out there crying for help and I'm not gonna ignore that!"  
"Awwww here it comes! Lay it down Fionna!" Cake shouted.

"A long time ago when I was a baby," she recalled, "I went boom boom on a leaf. Boom! Boom! And I fell backwards and sat in my own boom boom. I cried for a day. But no one came to help me. That day I vowed to help anyone in need! No matter how small their problem. And that's why I need to go."  
With that said, she ran to help under everyone's applause.  
"She still cries when she poops," Cake whispered to them, thanks for being cool chicks. Wait up, Fionna! It's comin' from up there!"

The crying was coming from a mountain, where boulders were falling.  
"Someone must be caught in that avalanche! Let's get it on!" Fionna said, getting on Cake's back to ride her and getting on top of the mountain, "so, who's crying?"  
"I am," the mountain answered.  
"Whoa! Aww, what's wrong gal? You cryin' boulders?"  
"Yes, I am sad. Having been forced to watch roughhousing women for centuries," explained the delicate woman.  
"Ohhhh! I see," Fionna misunderstood, "you're feeling left out and you wanna roughhouse too! Well I can take you on strong girl! Come on Cake! Back me up!"  
"Yeah, do it Fionna! Hit her with a boulder! And then hit her with another rock!"  
"Please! No roughhousing!" she begged, i"t…m-makes…me…soooo.. SAD!  
Boulders were being launched from her big empty eyes.  
"Huh? Why?"  
"Because they're so rough on each other!" she confessed.  
"But a smooth well controlled roughhouse bolsters your guts and rejuvenate the muscle," she slighted stuttered.  
"No! It's raunchy and maddening! All those women and their disgusting fantastic bodies!"  
"Whoa. This girl's got problems," Cake realized.

Fionna recalled, in the forest where she was sat in her own boum boum with no one to help her. She remembered the harsh words those daddy longlegs had towards her.  
 _"Look daddy!"_  
 _"Honey! Don't look! That kid's got problems!"_

"I'll help you mountain!" she pledged  
"Whoa! What!"  
"I'll stop those roughhousers from being rough!" she promised.  
"Really? You'd do that for me?" the mountain wondered.  
"Yes m'lady!" she assured, "my name's Fionna and I'm gonna help you out!"  
"But Fionna," Cake argued, "we're not gonna shut down the roughhouse for real are we?"  
"No way!" she said, taking Cake as she prepared them to jump off the cliff, "but there's got to be some kind of solution. I'll figure this out Mountain Woman!"

They came back to the village, where everyone was still fighting.  
"Aw! Fionna! Ready to get destroyed!" the Head Marauder warned her.  
"N-nooo!" she stopped her, "wait, um, actually, could you girls stop being so rough."  
"What!?" the all village echoed, stopping the feud only a second.  
"Whoa whoa whoa!" their leader reassured them, "what are you talking about Fionna?"  
"Could you guy just tone down the roughhousing a little?" she wondered.  
"What!?" they all repeated.  
"Whoa! Hey, hey. Shh. It's all right gals," she said before turning to their visitors, "Fionna, I'm sure this tone down the roughing thing has something to do with your boom boom, and I can respect that, but how can we POSSIBLY, Make roughhousing, Less rough?!"  
She thought about it a little before seeing a duck and a rat besides her.  
"I think I have a perfect idea!"

Tied to every marauders, several ducks were quacking in confusion. Some had rats, other had puppies on their head. They all could punch each other in a roughless way.  
"This'll soften your punches for smooth knock outs," she explained, "like punching a dream!"  
"Ha! Ha! Pigs on my knees! Pigs on my knees!" one exclaimed before kneeing another villager as the pig oinked.  
"That's like math" Cake said, fist bumping her friend.

"What do ya think? Fixed all your problems right!" Fionna exclaimed to the Mountain Woman once they had reached her top again.  
"No! That was terrible! Now they're just punching animals!" she grounded them, "it's worse than before and it's in no way a good solution!"  
"I'm sorry!" the human apologized.  
"Well you should be! It's not fair to those animals and it's not fair to me! I might just start to cry again, you know?" she confessed, boulders piling up in her eyes.  
"Aw, man," Cake complained.  
"Come on Cake," Fionna cheered her up "I gotta give this another shot!"  
"Fionna this girl seems like a real nut job," she tried to reason her, "you know what I mean? I don't wanna get sucked into this girl's hang-ups."  
"Yes I do Cake. That's what I vowed! To help anyone in need!" she pledged, remembering the boum-boum incident, "no matter how small their problem! At least I have to try sister."  
"So be it sister," she sighed.

"Hey guys. I'm back" Fionna shouted, though everyone, focused on their fight, ignored her, "hey girls. Girls? women! Women. Please stop a second. Women! Girls? Please? I have more to ask of you! Sis? My sistas? Sister?"  
She petted one Marauder's arm to get her attention.  
"What? Did you just pet me?" she screamed before rising one hand, "I'll pet you! Pet pet! Heeeey! Pet pet. Hey this is great!"  
The Marauder soon went to another villager, rising her hand once more.  
"Hey! Did you just pet me?!"  
"Yeah! I did!"  
"Well I'll pet you back! Wha-whoa. What the-?" she realized "This is awesome!"  
"Alright! This could be it!" Fionna declared as she spread the petting addiction.  
"Fionna!" the Head Marauder laughed, "you're really mixin' things up in the best of ways today!"  
"Maybe you can solve everyone's problems," Cake admitted, petted by a bunch of animals, "like a cherub with its bottom out."  
"Okay, cool," she chuckled, "hey, I'm gonna go tell the mountain."  
"Alright I'm gonna-" she tried, feeling too relaxed, "stay here this time."

Fionna the Human quickly reached the Mountain Woman and told her everything that had happened. She laughed happily hearing the outcome.  
"So, everything's fine this time, right?"  
"Yes! Thank you Fionna!"

Back to the village, Fionna explained Cake the good news.  
"So the mountain is totally fine with everyone petting. I feel great," she sighed, glad.  
"Right on honey!" the cat had to confess, "the marauders are going crazy over the petting! They're petting each other raw! Check 'em out!"  
Indeed, the marauders' skin had turned purple. They looked unhappy whilst petting each other  
"They look kinda rashy."  
"Hey Fionna!" the Head Marauder called, "hey girl. As you can see the petting got sorta out of hand. Stop that! We are done with that! We're going back to roughhousing!"  
"No wait girls! The mountain doesn't like roughhousing," Fionna argued.  
"Well we don't like not roughhousing!" she declared, "ya see the problem here?"  
"Well," she pondered, "well what if we rotate the entire mountain 180 degrees around, so the mountain's facing the other direction. That way, you guys can keep roughhousing and the mountain doesn't have to watch it!"  
"Sounds fine with me!" she agreed.  
"What do ya say mountain!" Fionna yelled at her to make sure she could hear.  
"That's okay," she conceded, "only if you guys promise to stay healthy and not roughhouse after you rotate me."  
"That mountain can talk?" the Head Marauder realized.  
"Just promise her anything," Cake whispered, "she's out of her gourd."  
"Yeah! We'll stay healthy!" they promised.  
"Oh! Thank goodness!" the mountain exclaimed, "alright kids, spin me the math around!"  
"Now I just need to set up some sort of pulley system."

"No! Over here!" another mountain, behind the first one, yelled, "don't turn her around! If you do, I'll miss looking at her beautiful back! It's gorgeous!"  
"Huh? What? Really!?" she blushed.  
"What!? A-but-ahh," Fionna realized, "um, maybe what we can do is…"  
"Excuse me," mushroom creatures called the human, "we need your help. There's no music playing and we desperately want to dance!"  
"Oh, ah just a second you guys," she asked of them, "I'll a- I'll help you out in one minute."  
"Hey! Pipe down over there!" a coal woman groaned from her house, "I want some peace and quiet!"  
"Let me just a-"  
"I need to be pollinated!" a cactus creature informed in front of a fan.  
"Huh!?"  
"Pollinated all over to make my babies!" it said on a tree stump.  
"Everybody please! One problem at a time!" she begged.  
"My butt's itchy," a dragon roared, "but I can't scratch it!"  
"This water's too hot!" a ice cube creature said,sitting in a puddle.  
"Mommy! Please keep the flies away from our mommy," baby fishes asked to their deceased mother, out of the water.  
"That guy stole our triangle," electroids complained, pointing a toad.  
"They swiped my plum," a toad blamed, pointing electroids.  
"We wanna roughhouse!" the Marauders chanted, "we wanna roughhouse!"  
"I'm naked!" an old witch laughed in the distance.

"What's happening!" the Mountain Woman freaked out.  
"Ahhhhh!" Fionna snapped, "everybody wants different things! And some of them want stuff that's exactly the thing the others don't want."  
"Whoa, honey," Cake calmed her down, "hold on. So this guy wants this and that guy wants that, but honey: What do you want?

 _"Want do you want baby?" Fionna suddenly remembered when Jocelyn, Cake's mother, rescued her, "why are you crying? Gareth, this baby won't tell me what's wrong with it, and it's stuck to a leaf, and it stinks."  
_ _"Give it here Jocelyn," her husband asked of her, "this baby needs love and kisses to be happy. There. See? Now it's happy."  
_ _"You just kissed a boom boom baby," she told him, disgusted, "so don't expect any more sugar from me, honey until we wash your dirty dirty face."  
_ _She remembered how happy she was that day._

"Cake," Fionna realized, "what I want is to help anyone in need, so everyone is happy!"  
"Wow, that's pretty corny honey," the cat laughed, "but let's do it girl! Wooohoo!"

The human girl found a microphone and called them one by one to make them happy.  
"Ready over there mushroom gang?"  
"Ready Fionna!" they said in a flower circle.  
"Ready dragon?"  
"Yes sir!" he promised, his butt still itchy.  
"Ready Mountain Woman?"  
"I'm ready," she laughed.  
"Go!"

As the Marauders began roughhousing with strings attached to their limbs, the strings made several fans blow the flies off the fish's mothe ass well as playing music  
"Yay! The flies are leaving!" the baby fished exclaimed.  
The flies found their way in the coal woman's ears/  
"Heh. Can't hear a thing!" she shouted, throwing two rocks that landed onto two teeter-totter. This gave he toad back her plum and the Electroids back their triangle. They both cheered. Hearing the music, the mushroom creatures started dancing in the flowers, which pollinated the "Pollen! Here they come!" she said as babies came off of her. Therefore, the dragon could finally scratch his butt, letting out a burst of flame to melt the ice cube creature. The fog created went up to the witch who grabbed a punch to put it on her head.  
"Not naked," she informed before jumping into the water.  
"Hey," the Mountain Woman said as the mist was blocking her view, "I can't see anything! Is anyone roughhousing?"  
"No!" Cake lied.  
"Radical."  
"And I can still see this gorgeous back!" the second mountain exclaimed, gazing at the river behind her back.

"Thank you Fionna! You really helped everybody!" the Mountain Woman thanked her.  
To those words, all the Marauders lifted the heroine.  
"Stop! I've got a problem," Cake argued.  
"Well, what's the matter?" Fionna began to worried.  
"This dolphin fell in love with me!" she pointed out.  
"That's the opposite of a problem!"  
The dolphin's crush helping, the two adventurers could easily go back home on his back.  
THE END


	11. Witch!

Once upon a time, Fionna the Human and Cake the Cat were walking in the Grass Lands, asking questions to one another.  
"Hey, Cake," she called.  
"Yeah?"  
"You ever wonder what a demon's heart looks like?"  
"Of course, honey," she confessed.  
"You ever wonder what a demon's heart tastes like?"

"Hey, kid…" the reaper cut them, appearing before their eyes, "you want some magic powers...? Magic powers for absolutely free…"  
"Heck yeah!" she exclaimed.  
"Wait!" Cake whispered to Fionna, "let's not be too rash! Just look at this chick! Check out the sunken, lifeless eyes... The foul stench of decay... You know what that means?  
"Means she's evil," she guessed.  
" Well, evil, sure... but mostly, she's unattractive, and unattractive people are desperate," she explained, "you should haggle with her!"  
Hey!" she called the reaper, "I want more than just free powers! What else ya got?!"  
"Alright... Free magical powers and…" she pulled off her left arm, "eh! And this key-chain."  
The human jumped from excitement.  
"Play it cool, Fionna," Cake whispered.  
"Right. I begrudgingly accept your offer," she faked.  
"Yes…" she chuckled as storm clouds began to cluster above her, then the deal is struck!"  
As the storm went away, a mystical dangerous-looking door appeared.  
"This way…" she informed them, a 'FREE MAGICK' sign in her hands.

They entered the portal without questioning her and landed in a gray land where a circular mansion with a huge pearl as a roof was standing on top of a hill.  
"This place looks magical," Fionna noticed, "you think this is where we get the powers?"  
"Yes, I do," a toad with a purple cloak with a big star sew on it and two pointy hat emerged from the door, "free powers for all. Want some?"  
"Yeah! Are you the guy handing 'em out?" Fionna asked.  
"You seek Anura, the witch!"  
"So, where's that girl?" she looked around.  
"She is here, of course," she pointed himself.  
"She's here…" Cake hesitated, "but she's not you."  
"That's right."  
"We should beat her up until she starts makin' sense!" the cat proposed, making her fist bigger.  
Shrinking in fear, the toad expanded his neck and tadpoles emerged in it.  
"We are Anura!" they all said as one.

Fionna was amazed.  
"So... you wish to be inducted into the ancient order of—" they said as one wasn't following the rhythm, "Dang it, Leonore! If we don't talk at the same time, nobody can understand us!"  
"Sorry... geez…" she apologized.  
"Ahem…" they resumed, "So... You want free witch powers... Powers like… these!  
Anura showed them magic bursting through her hands.  
"Hahaha! Yeah! We want 'em! Give us the stuff!" they screamed in excitement.  
"Then follow..." she ordered them.

The trio entered the mansion where witch students were training.  
"Behold the Grand Hall of witchry!" the Great Witch said, "this is where young potentials train to become Ultimate witches! Most are not ready for the responsibility that comes with it.  
"I'm responsible, lady!" Fionna swore.  
"Yeah! So am I!" Cake promised.  
"That's a lie!" she teased the cat.  
"It is a lie... and I take full responsibility for it!"  
"Yes, yes... very responsible," she compliment them, "now I bestow upon you these witch cloaks!"  
"Hey! This is a dress!" Fionna realized as the purple cloak was now covering her body.  
"Yeah! And I am into it! It's, like, gossamer!" she said, hugging herself.  
"Now for every power that you accrue," Anura said, creating yellow star badges on her own cloak "you shall receive a star badge like these.

She then showed them the biggest one.  
"This final star betokens the rank of Ultimate witch!"  
"Mark me, Cake," she asked of her, "I shall have that final star!Where do we start?!"  
"Level 1—Dustomancy." she told them.  
"Yeah! Dustomancy!" she cheered, "whatever that is! Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!"  
"To receive this power, you must first…" she explained, making two brooms appear, "eat these brooms."  
"Alright," the human said, disgusted as she picked the broom, "this is gross! Man, I can't eat this!"  
"Yeah, you can!" she promised her before turning big, "do what I do!"

She opened her mouth to put the now tiny broom in then changed back to her normal size. She saw the broom outlines in her stomach, enlarged herself once more before getting small once again as the broom has disappeared.  
"Ah, there we go," she said as a star got sew on her cloak.  
"Whoooaaa! You got a star!"  
"Haha! Observe my magics!" she laughed before Fionna stopped her.  
"Wait, Cake!" she asked of her before gnawing at the broom, "don't use 'em until I finish my broom!

It took minutes, hours maybe, but Fionna had almost finished her broom.  
"Last... bite…" she whispered, weakly before swallowing hardly.  
"Honey, you got your star, too!" Cake realized, smiling.  
"WE'RE DUSTOMANCERS!" she stood up, trying to use her new powers, "nothing happened! This is a total ripoff! Anura! You tricked us! Stupid power doesn't even work!  
"Calm yourself, girl" she told Fionna,"you are acting hysterical. Do you not see that you are using Dustomancy? Behold…"  
Suddenly, the human girl noticed the dust mote that had appeared.  
"I'm doing this? So... I have—"  
"Yes. Mastery over all dust motes. You can also read their emotions," she explained, "for instance, this mote is very unhappy in her marriage.  
"Well, that's... sorta cool."  
""Sorta" cool?!" Fionna retorted, "THIS IS RADICAL!"  
"Whoo, yeah! Force that enthusiasm!" Cake told her.  
"Are you ready for more magic?" the Ultimate Witch asked.  
"We get more?!" the blond girl asked, amazed.

"So much more... like Level 2... the power of... Shadowcery!" she named as she was blindfolding them, "you can't see through those, right?"  
"Nope... Not at all," Fionna promised.  
"To gain provenance over the shadows," she informed, making a bowl full of grapes appear, "place your hands into this bowl!"  
"What bowl?" the cat asked, trying to remove the blindfold.  
"No! Cover your eyes!" she urged her.  
"Mmmm, fine…"  
"Thrust your hands into this bowl... of eyeballs," she faked in a menacing tone.  
"Eyeballs?!" Fionna frowned  
"Honey, it's okay," Cake reassured her, "they're just peeled grapes."  
"No! They're eyeballs…" she giggled mischievously as the two apprentices reached for the grape making disgusted noises, "well done. You have groped the eyeballs fearlessly."  
"Another star!" they realized, un-blindfolded, "yeah! Shadowcery…

Fionna concentrated to morph her shadow into a horse.  
"Onward, my shadow steed!" she said trying to ride it but passing through.  
"No touchies," it said before disappearing.  
"Witch powers are so cool... I want ALL THE STAR BADGES!"

Our heroines kept training to become stronger. Level by level, testing their dexterity and their imagination, they gained all powers from growing hair to make mayonnaise appear.  
Meanwhile, a snail was waving, unnoticed.  
"All we're missing now is the big star!" Fionna soon realized, "you ready to complete the set, honey?"  
"Nah, I'm good."  
"WHAT?!" she could not believe her friend, "how can you stop now?"  
"Eh... I've got everything I need. A limitless supply of mayonnaise, this captivating new hairstyle…," she said showing her puffy, curly hairs, "and I just learned the best spell of all!"  
"What's that?" she wondered.  
"Sleep," she told her, putting herself on a sleeping curse.

"Aw... What a lame-o," she complained before turning to the toad, "Anura! I'm ready to get that big star!"  
"To tell true, the last power is not free," she confessed.  
"Wha?"she growled, "you can't do this to me, girl! I've got no money!"  
"No, no cash," she assured, "for the final star, you must take the pledge of ultimate responsibility."  
"Okay. I'll take that pledge," she promised nonchalantly.  
"Are you sure? Perhaps you are not sufficiently familiar with—"  
"I'm ready!" shut cut her off.  
"Well, there may be ramifications that you cannot—"  
"Just let me take that pledge, man!" she said impatiently.  
"My word, I've never met someone so irresponsibly responsible," she laughed, "very well, then. You must... grasp my hand."  
"That's it? Easy!" as she did as told, she shined with a glorious light and screamed.

A big star glows on her cloak. Fionna was immediately pulled up by cables.  
"Huh? My big star! Yes! Wha-hoo! Yeah! Wait, where am I?"  
She now hung to the ceiling with three other old ladies who used their magic on an orb.  
"Direct your attention to the scale-model orb," Anura asked.  
"Huh?" she realized a comet was going directly to the hill, "is that an asteroid heading for this very temple?"  
"Yes," she confessed, "it's been heading for this temple for 847 years. Only the magic of the ultimate witches keeps it from getting any closer. Quickly, add your power to that of the orb."  
"Oh, okay," she agreed, adding her magic to the other witches', " Whoa! I got it! Now what?"  
"Now I release the elder Jenny from her pledge," she explained, "razzamafoo!"  
"It's about time…" the granny said as she was teleported.  
"And you take her place…" she then said to Fionna, "for the rest of your natural life."  
"Awesome," she smiled before realizing, "wait, what?!"

"This is what you signed up for when you took the pledge of ultimate responsibility," she informed her.  
"This is what all the witch training was about?!" she now understood, letting go of the orb, "you tricked me!"  
"Young witch!" one of the two remaining old lady called, "the asteroid approaches!"  
"Oh, yeah. Sorry."  
"I tricked you, of course…" she admitted, "but would anyone really volunteer to do this?" I'm out."  
"Aw, man, this sucks," she stated, frustrated, "old people! There's gotta be a better way!"  
" Nope... This is how the ancient ones wanted it," the stuck up lady declared.  
"Yeah? I've got a younger idea!" she said, removing herself from the station.  
"You fool! Your newfangled thinking will get us all killed!"  
"Youth culture forever!" she chanted, running outside and spotting the oncoming asteroid.

"Hey! Have you gone crazy?!" Anura spotted her, putting the still living Jenny in her coffin, "get back in the bouncy harness!"  
"Sleep!" she casted as the ultimate witch fell into her spell.  
"Ultimate witchry, activate!" she named as nothing happened, "...Uh... Hm. Maybe my footing's off? There you go!. I cast... Dragon Eyes! Tiger Claw! Vorpal Hand! Blazing Feet! Beauteous Wings! And finally... every other power I didn't mention by naaaame!  
She turned into a giant chimaera, the most powerful creature she could be.  
"With all my magics combined, I'm powerful enough to move the entire village out of the asteroid's path!" she proclaimed," trying to lift the village in vain as the still sleeping cat titled out of the main temple.  
"I need some help! Cake! Awaken!" she cast.  
"Reflect," she mumbled in her sleep, redirecting the spell on a rock.  
"Hey, I'm alive! What's that up there?" he wondered before noticing the asteroid, "AH! OH, NO!"  
"Hah…" Fionna sighed, "my stupid young idea will be responsible for hundreds of deaths!"  
"It sure will," she heard an old witch say behind her.

"Huh? Old witches!" she called, surprised to see them both, "you ditched your responsibilities to help me!  
"What?" she asked, "no! We left so we wouldn't be killed by that asteroid!"  
" Oh, okay, um," she sighed, "since you're here already, could you lend me a hand?"  
With their joined powers, the ultimate witches could finally move the village out of the meteor's path. When the meteor landed, a giant explosion occured, destroying the clothes of the Old witches, Fionna, and Cake, waking her up.

"Whoo-hoo! Nice job!" she congratulated them as the village fell back down, "thanks to us, the village is saved. And we reclaimed a few of your twilight years!"  
"Don't forget to thank me," Anura said proudly, "for this was my plan for all of these 847 years."  
"No way!" Fionna snapped, "your plan was to dupe a succession of rubes into keeping the asteroid at bay!"  
"Perhaps you're right," she admitted, guilty, "no more giving out free powers. I hereby renounce all life is oveeeeeer!  
"Chill, man. You don't have to quit your job."  
"I don't?" the tadpoles asked.  
"Nah. Just don't take credit for ideas that aren't yours."  
"Oh... okay…" she said as the two were leaving, "good idea... Glad I thought of it…"

As the two walked back to their Tree Fort, they met the reaper.  
"Hey, naked kid. you want some free... Demon heart?!"  
THE END


End file.
